During today’s class, you will each have an opportunity to peer review two workplace reports by different students. It is your responsibility to find others in class with these documents that you can exchange for peer review. Don’t restrict yourselves to two-person exchanges. You might need to exchange documents between three people so that there is no odd person out.
For each document that you review, you will write a brief memo (each student should end up writing two memos). This memo will be emailed to the author of the document that you are reviewing (as an attachment or copy-and-pasted text) AND you will copy-and-paste your memo into a comment made to this blog post. At the end of class, you should have emailed two memos and made two comments to this blog post.
When you receive a classmate’s document printout, initial it at the top of the page.
Read the author’s document carefully and have the example documents available on OpenLab open on your screen for reference.
Write a memo addressed to the author of the document that you are reviewing. Your memo should contain these things: memo information block, a one sentence introduction (you are providing feedback on x document by y person), and between 5-10 bullet points written in complete sentences/paragraphs that provide suggestions, comments, questions, directions, and guidance for improving the document that you are reading. Remember: No document is perfect and can always be improved upon. Let Simon Cowell be your spiritual guide in this respect.
Again, remember to email your memo to the author of the document reviewed (attach it as a Word docx file, an Adobe PDF, or simply copy-and-paste your memo’s contents into the email), AND copy-and-paste your memo into a comment made to this blog post. Do not put all of your memos into the same comment. Instead, make a separate comment for each memo that you write.
TO: Leane Valor
FROM: Demi Huang
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1: Peer Review
I am providing feedback on “Health Services Administrator Career: What Do We Need to Know” by Leane Valor for Project 1.
In the introduction, there are a few typos or words missing here and there, so I would just review that again. For example, “also know[n] and further referred [to] as Health Services Administrator”.
I would capitalize “labor” in the “Methods” section of the report.
I think your “Methods” could be a little more detailed. Maybe you can explain the steps you took as if you were explaining to someone who doesn’t know what the directions for the assignments were.
As with the introduction, I would go over the entire report because there are typos and certain grammatical issues in the “Results” section of the report.
Because you discuss a lot of information and different points in your “Results”, you should separate your points more distinctly. For example, maybe entering a tab before each new paragraph/subtopic so it looks more structured and organized.
In addition to the personal qualities of what an HSA employee might need, I think you should discuss a little about some of the specific responsibilities they would be doing on the job.
I would add some more information in the “Discussion” section about how the research you found relates to you, and what it would mean for your career, or if it’s changed/affected your opinion of it.
TO: Anelsy Rodriguez
FROM: Jose A. Jimenez
DATE: 03/16/2017
SUBJECT: Feedback Memo
On this memo, I will be providing feedback on document Electrical Engineer Work Environment by Anelsy Rodriguez.
On the first page, the report was prepared by you; not by Prof. Jason Ellis.
Every component should be dedicated a separate page.
Check grammar.
It should have your contact information.
Citations should be more clear.
You didn’t mention why you selected this career on the report.
You mentioned that there was a lot of math needed to get into the field, but I think you should give more information on it.
TO: Shirley Adelson
FROM: Leonardo Calegare
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review 1
I am providing feedback on Project 1 Report prepared by Shirley Adelson.
First page “Author Note” needs indent on first 3 paragraphs
First page, “Author Note,” 2nd paragraph, change B.S to B.S.
First page “Author Note” needs ending periods on first 3 paragraphs
Second page, needs abstract
Third page, “Introduction,” 2nd line, the word “third” is misused
Third page, “Introduction,” Fragment 2nd phrase – use of repetitive “but”
Third page, “Method,” 1st line needs a subject to the phrase
Fourth page, “Results,” Repetitive use of the word “begin”
Sixth page, needs references
TO: Shirley Adelson
FROM: Zeeshan Ahmad
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review 1
In this memo, I am providing a feedback on the document “Changing the Future of Health Care Start with You”, by Shirley Adelson. Following are my comments and suggestions on your X document.
You are missing Abstract which needs to be 50-100 word. It can be simple and clear which might include purpose of the document and what kind of information it has.
There are few run-on sentences which need some proper punctuation and conjunctions.
You have mentioned about similar jobs by referring to the Occupational Outlook Handbook, but you have not cited it. It needs in-text citation.
There are few sentences which need proper articles.
You are missing references.
TO: O.L. Daniel
FROM: Ronald C. Hinds
SUBJECT: Peer Review
DATE: March 16, 2017
This memo is tended to provide feedback on “Electrical Engineering Of 2019” by O.L. Daniel. The following format was not used:
Abstract
Method
Results
Discussion
References
You will notice that you substituted a different format for your paper. So please redo the headings.
You need to check your grammar and punctuation. . Take the following sentence, which is also too wordy, as an example:
“Knowing that as a Field Service Technician I can cut out the medium of an office to report to which from there I would need to go to my site would be time consuming for a commute and between the three points anything could prove a delay.”
Also the first page has too topics listed. Please adjust.
Please use the formatting which was taught in the class.
TO: Isaiah Emanuel
FROM: Shameena Rahaman
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review
This purpose of this memo is review Emanuel’s work and provide feedbacks. This will allow him to make note of the necessary changes that are needed to made. The following errors were noted:
There are few grammatical errors which are pointed out in your paper.
The results part of the paper was a bit confusing, there wasn’t any form of organization. Each paragraph stands on its own instead of flowing with the rest of the work.
Also in the “Results” the last paragraph talks about the starting wage for train operators. You should include if its yearly or anything form of salary.
In your discussion you didn’t really address your perspective on the career after your findings. Did your views changed or did they remain the same?
As for formatting, information that should have been in your results is found in your discussion.
TO: Ronald Hinds
FROM: Jozef Loderer
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review
I, Jozef Loderer, am providing feedback in regards to the draft “Embarking on a new career as a freelancer” for Project 1, written by Ronald Hinds.
Below my findings:
Separate “Abstract” from “Introduction” (Abstract is page 2; Introduction starts on page 3)
Shorten “Method” drastically. A lot of the written material should be rather moved into “Results”. In “Method” concentrate only on your approach and how you reached your desired results.
Incorporate many of your findings that you mentioned in your “Method”, in “Results” by re-organizing the structure and strictly going by the methods you have applied.
Length of the entire work; be mindful that it should not exceed 1000 words, as it might be quite a bit over at this point.
In “Abstract” you mention that the report contains a road map. I was unable to find the road map, but it should be part of your “Introduction”
Read over the Professor’s instructions again, and keep in mind that “Abstract” serves purpose; “Introduction” purpose plus road map; and “Method” is about what did you learn and as a result of your applied methods
To: Demi Huang
From: L. L. Vasconez
Date: Mar. 16, 2017
Subject: Project 1, Peer Review
I’m reviewing Demi Huang Research Report in legal Assistant Studies
Abstract- you used “particularly as a layer” maybe you can change it. Or say it in a different way. Besides that it’s good.
Indent the first sentence of each paragraph
So far it is straightforward it has all the information Professor Ellis ask for in each section.
Keep working in your report.
TO: Leonardo Calegare
FROM: Shirley Adelson
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Recommendation Memo
I am providing feedback on Project 1 document by Leonardo Calegare and provide suggestion to help with your final report.
Introduction should be a little longer
Should include a little of your interview experience
Correction in spelling
Grammatical errors
Include some of your thoughts about the results
TO: Shameena Rahaman
FROM: Isaiah Emanuel
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review Guidelines
Hello my name is Isaiah Emanuel, I am a student in the Writing in the Workplace class at City Tech providing feedback on Project 1 by Shameena Rahaman.
Title page
Abstract (second page, 50-100-word summary of the report that you are writing–what is its purpose, what kinds of information does it include, and who is it for?)
Introduction (third page, one paragraph that introduces the reader to your report–like the abstract but in more detail about the report: purpose, road map, audience)
Method (what did you set out to learn and how did you do the research)
Results (using the information from your interview memo, library-sourced article memo, and Occupational Outlook Handbook memo, factually report what you learned about your selected career, remember to parenthetically cite any quotes or paraphrases)
Discussion (based on the facts that you report in results, discuss your career–is it the right career for you, what do you see as your prospects in your career, what do you need to do to prepare to enter this career, etc.)
References (include all of your bibliographic references in alphabetical order)
TO: Isaiah Emanuel
FROM: Jose A. Jimenez
DATE: 03/16/2017
SUBJECT: Feedback Memo
On this memo, I will be providing feedback on document Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) Train Operator by Isaiah Emanuel.
The career being pursuing is not mentioned.
Every component should lab its own dedicated page.
Grammar
Elaborate more on the abstract
You didn’t say if after doing this research this is or not the right career for you. Besides taking the test there might be more preparation to become a train operator. I think you should say that for the final report. Also, where do you see yourself in the future should be good in the report.
TO: Demi Huang
FROM: Leane Valor
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review Memo
The purpose of this memo is to provide constructive feedback on “Career in Law. Reserch Report” report written by Demi Huang
Formatting -Title page needs adjustment. Abstract must be on separate page. Running header title must be all capitalized.
Introduction subsection is over written and includes information that might be more suitable for methods subsection
Methods subsection – is over detailed
Report is not completed for full and accurate peer review
TO: Anelsy Rodriguez
FROM: Leane Valor
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review Memo
The purpose of this memo is to provide constructive feedback on “Electrical Engineer Work Environment: About a Career” report by Anelsy Rodrigues
Authors note – incorrect author information regarding the correspondence
Formatting -Report is not double spaced. Abstract must be on separate page. Running header title must be all capitalized.
Methods subsection – must provide the information on the methods and learning objectives of the research for this report
Wording – word choices can be improved. Also inconsistency with the third person pronoun and verb tenses. Some sentences missing words that connect the clauses in the sentence and therefore make it harder to understand what is written.
Report exceeds 1000 words
Report is very subjective and does not provide unbiased career outlook in electrical engineering
TO: Sandra Huerta
FROM: Isaiah Emanuel
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review Guidelines
Hello my name is Isaiah Emanuel, I am a student in the Writing in the Workplace class at City Tech providing feedback on Project 1 by Sandra Huerta.
Title page
Abstract (second page, 50-100-word summary of the report that you are writing–what is its purpose, what kinds of information does it include, and who is it for?)
Introduction (third page, one paragraph that introduces the reader to your report–like the abstract but in more detail about the report: purpose, road map, audience)
Method (what did you set out to learn and how did you do the research)
Results (using the information from your interview memo, library-sourced article memo, and Occupational Outlook Handbook memo, factually report what you learned about your selected career, remember to parenthetically cite any quotes or paraphrases)
Discussion (based on the facts that you report in results, discuss your career–is it the right career for you, what do you see as your prospects in your career, what do you need to do to prepare to enter this career, etc.)
References (include all of your bibliographic references in alphabetical order)
TO: Leane Valor
FROM: Anelsy Rodriguez
DATE: 03/16/2017
SUBJECT: Feedback Memo
In the report of the “Health Services Administrator career: What do we need to know.” by Leane Valor, my point of view about the things that she should make correction are to develope details about the opportunities of this career and you need to organize a little bit more your ideas because almost all the report talks about the challenges. I remember that the abstract has to be 50-100 words summary. Also, in the introduction you need to do a correction with the order of the information. the report need some information about what learn about this career. In the discussion you need to include if this is the right career for you.
TO: Loderer. J
FROM: Daniel. O. L
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review Guidelines
2nd Review Paper
The following Memo was created with the desired effect of improving upon “A Roadmap To Becoming A Lawyer”
After reading this paper, I created some points that can be improved
Cover Page revision
Great transition in the results topic
TO: Drumgo. D
FROM: Daniel. O. L
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review Guidelines
1st Review paper
The following Memo was created with the desired effect of improving upon “A Career in Electrical Engineering”
After reading this paper, I created some points that can be improved
More emphasizes on the results rather than giving each topic an entire paragraph
Opening is important it can be shortened giving more leeway for the results topic.
More specific on how this project helped you narrow down your desired field.
Something I highly refrain you from doing is the repetition of the phrase “Electrical Engineering” as it’s found numerous times in each paragraph.
Cover Page revision
To: Jozef Loderer
From: Kazi Maoya
Date: 3/16/2017
Subject: Peer-review
Comments about peer-review
Introduction should be a paragraph.
Need more detail on introduction.
Too many detail on result
Missing discussion part.
Grammatical error.
TO: Zeeshan Ahmad
FROM: Shirley Adelson
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1 Peer-Review
I am providing feedback on Project 1 document by Zeeshan Ahmad and provide suggestion to help with your final report.
Your email needs to be on front cover
Unnecessary capitalization of words
Should include a little of your interview experience
Correction in spelling
Grammatical errors
TO: Kazi Maoya
FROM: Jozef Loderer
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review
I, Jozef Loderer, am providing feedback in regards to the draft “My super impressive Title about a career” for Project 1, written by Kazi Maoya
Below my findings:
Title: Have a proper title, for instance “Becoming a Network Engineer, and how I plan on getting there”
Pattern: Go over your sentence structure; too many sentences have no verbs resulting in sentence fragments. Try combining sentences by including verbs and words that combine, such as: because, as a result of etc.
Introduction: This section should concentrate on the purpose of your report, and ideally provide a road map. Re-write this section by keeping this in mind and look up Prof. Ellis’ outline to help you with it.
References: Ensure that you look up Owl Purdue how to reference correctly. You will need to list alphabetically.
Results: This part of the report should be longer, and more in-depth. Go over your results again, and re-write the entire section by using results from your applied methods.
TO: Steven Rivera
FROM: Leonardo Calegare
DATE: February 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review 2
I am providing feedback on Project 1 Report prepared by Steven Rivera.
Under “Method,” add a connective word between first two sentences
Under “Results,” use quotation marks for every quote after the first
Under “Results,” no period between quote and parenthetical citation
Page 4, first line need a period to end the sentence.
Page 4, ending periods between sentences keep being misplaced
Page 4, keep you work consistent, if you are to indent some paragraphs, indent all
TO: Shirley Adelson
FROM: Demi Huang
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1: Peer Review
I am providing feedback on “Changing the Future of Healthcare Starts with You” by Shirley Adelson for Project 1.
Under the “Author Note”, you can leave out the parentheses and everything in it. In other words, you can exclude “(should be addressed to Shirley Adelson, address, phone number– there are usually your business contact information)”.
You are missing the “Abstract” section of the report.
I like how you started, but I think you should be more specific in your “Introduction” about what career your report is discussing so we know exactly what you are talking about. Perhaps include the first sentence in your “Method” section in the “Introduction”.
In your “Methods” section, you include the purpose of the report, which I don’t think is necessary. You can leave it just in the “Introduction”.
Your “Methods” section can include more about what and how you researched in greater detail. For example, something like “I used the Occupational Outlook Handbook to research specific data and statistics about a career as a Healthcare Administrator.”
You should break down your “Results” into different paragraphs, since you cover a lot of subtopics. It will help make it look more structured and organized.
I would suggesting proof-reading what you wrote, since there are some typos and grammatical errors that can be easily fixed.
You should list your references at the end as well.
TO: Chauncey Dumaguing
FROM: Adrian Valarezo
DATE: 3/16/2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review Memo
I am providing feedback on “What in the world is Electrical Engineering, and what do they do?” by Chauncey Dumaguing.
Misspelling – Just double check for misspelled words.
Grammar – Some sentences have grammatical errors such as incorrect use of vocabulary.
Grammar – I think some of the paragraphs need to be revise to improve the compounding of words and sentences so that the paragraphs are more coherent.
Ideas – I would like to see more explanation on ideas more detail on things such as the interview.
Information – I would like to see more data or factual information on the career of Engineering, so a expandment of this information would be useful for the reader.
Information – It would be nice to have the information, data explain more elegantly, i feel like the article is casual.
TO: Kangyi Lui
FROM: Adrian Valarezo
DATE: 3/16/2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review
I am providing feedback on “Electrical Engineers Make You Life Easier” by Kandyi Easier.
Misspelling – There are errors in this article, the first one is the title it self. So just check for misspelling.
Grammar – there are grammatical errors, such as incomplete sentences. I would just re read the article and look out for these incomplete sentences.
Organization – while reading the article i was a little confuse, the ideas are there but it seems to be unorganized. It would be good if the paragraphs that follow each other would stick to the same concept, before switching to another, then jumping back to the previous idea.
Information – I like how the article has the author adds personal views on matters, is this could be included more into the article it would make it more enjoyable since it feels more personal.
Information – Perhaps expanding the interview section of the article even further. Since these are professionals who have experience in the field it would be good to hear from knowledge.
TO: Leane Valor
FROM: Zeeshan Ahmad
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review 2
In this memo, I am providing a feedback on the document “Health Services Administrator Career: What do we need to know”, by Leane Valor. Following are my comments and suggestions on your document.
You should point out in the Abstract that who are the audiences, and by reading your document, who can get some sort of benefit from this.
In Method section, you can also add about your learning.
There are few sentences which need proper punctuation.
I would suggest that before quoting, it’s better to introduce the person.
There should be separate in-text citation for each quote or paraphrasing.
References should be in APA format. One of your reference is not in APA format.
TO: Adrian Valarezo
FROM: Chauncey Dumaguing
DATE: March 17, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review
Here is my feedback on the report, “The Legal Profession,” by Adrian Valarezo.
In the Abstract, there is a sentence where you wrote, “It will discuss an interviews with a current paralegal who is currently working for a law firm.” It should read, “It will discuss an interview with a current paralegal who is currently working for a law firm,” since you only interviewed one person.
The report is not separated by Introduction, Method, Results, and Discussion.
In page 3, your second paragraph’s first sentence, “To begin i will discuss the interview conducted on February 4, 2017 where I invited over my home a close friend of mine for a law career related interview, her name is Victoria Sapoviski.” You can separate this into two sentences between the words “interview” and “her”.
You also misspelled “i” in that sentence from the previous bullet point.
If you break the first sentence into two on the second paragraph of the third page, you can connect the second of the to the next sentence, “She is a paralegal at a law firm in New Jersey.”
In page 5, you have a paragraph in your report where it starts off with naming an article and who it is by. That first sentence sounds more of a title than an actual sentence.
The same paragraph with the article should have a little more information. A quote from the article would help.
TO: Kangyi Liu
FROM: Chauncey Dumaguing
DATE: March 17, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review
Here is my feedback on the report, “Electrical Engineers Make You Life Easier,” by Kangyi Liu.
Title has a misspelling, it should be “Your” instead of “You”.
Certain misspellings, missed words, certain words that are supposed to be capitalized but aren’t, and incorrect punctuations were found throughout the report. Examples include “i” and “fundamentals of Engineering” where they should be “I” and “Fundamentals of Engineering” respectively.
The introduction of the report is fine, just needs a little more information.
The method of the report also needs a little bit more detail, like who you interviewed since this section is about what information you have and how you got your information for the report.
The last paragraph could be broken down to two paragraphs. It would allow the reader to read that section of the report a little bit better. If you choose not to, that is also fine.
TO: Isaiah Emanuel
FROM: Sandra Huerta
DATE: March 2, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1: Peer review
I was asked to review “Metropolitan Transportation Authority Train Operator,” by Isaiah Emanuel.
The first part of this paper needs to have some changes, I have also added some feedback with blue ink. The second part of the paper does not need as much work.
*Search Synonyms for the word “Intent.”
*Follow the format of the paper.
*Please add a little for information on your introduction.
*Keep an eye for your sentence structure on the first part of the paper.
*Give a little more abstract information.
TO: Shirley Adelson
FROM: Shameena Rahaman
DATE: March 16, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review
This purpose of this memo is review Adelson’s work and provide feedbacks. This will allow him to make note of the necessary changes that are needed to made. The following errors were noted:
There are a few grammatical errors. They are pointed out in the actual work.
For structure, the result and method are somewhat confusing. Need to be revised and organize.
The discussion was very effective but maybe you can include whether or not this research changed your perspective or did it motivate you even more.
TO: Jose Abel Jimenez
FROM: Anelsy Rodriguez
DATE: 03/16/2017
SUBJECT: Feedback Memo
In the report of the “Telecommunication Technician” by Jose Jimenez, my point of view about the things that she should make correction in adding more information. You need to work more in the discussion and introduction. I think the organization of the ideas are good, but you need add extra information. The title page you need to add the contact information.
TO: Doneek Drumgo
FROM: Ronald C. Hinds
SUBJECT: Peer Review
DATE: March 16, 2017
This memo is tended to provide a “peer review” on report done by Doneek Drumgo.
•Under “Author Note” there is a typo: Correspondence and not “Corresponding” concerning this report……,.,,..,
•Under “Abstract” line 4. “I feel this career is the right choice for me, etc”. This is an incorrect formulation. Instead of “etc” please spell out what you mean.
Is this report for all engineering students who are seeking a career in the field? Under the “Introduction” section you infer that the report is only for you: “I wanted to set a clear pathway…”
•An important observation is that you did not point out the sources where the information was obtained. You should make the references to the source documents. So for example under “Results” many references are made without quoting the sources.
•Please check your punctuation and grammar.
As a matter of style you do not always have to use caps for electrical engineering. I think that you should enquire about the use of caps.
All things considered this is a good first attempt. Please reread. I think that you can make some improvements.
TO: Professor Ellis
FROM: Steven Mathieu
DATE: March 16th, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer Review
In this memo, i will review two of my classmate draft reports.
Author: Zeeshan Ahmad
Career : Electrical Engineering and Telecommunications Technologies
Degree: BTech, Electrical Engineering Technology
Review:
Abstract:
It’s very straightforward and explain exactly what you want to do within the future.
Introduction:
It was nicely written, it’s basically explain the Electrical Engineering field as a whole.
Method:
Online search and bls seems like the right way to go. Follow the instruction all the way thru.
Results:
What place are the best place to be an Electrical Engineers?
Author: Steven Rivera
Career: Web Development
Degree: B. Tech, Communication Design with a concentration on Web Design
Review:
Abstract:
What exactly is (UX)? And (UI) User Interface? Seems interesting.
Introduction:
Design websites usually means a lot when it come to developing a project.
Understanding program languages such as html can help you in advance in your career.
Method:
Interview and online search are best way to get an understand of what your career will look like.
Try gaining internship to gain a better view as to where you want to be.
You can also freelace.