During today’s class, you will each have an opportunity to peer review one skills-based resume, one experience-based resume, and one job application letter. It is your responsibility to find others in class with these documents that you can exchange for peer review. Do restrict yourselves to two-person exchanges. You might need to exchange documents between three people so that there is no odd person out.
For each document that you review, you will write a brief memo. This memo will be emailed to the author of the document that you are reviewing AND you will copy-and-paste it into a comment made to this blog post. At the end of class, you should have emailed three memos and made three comments to this blog post.
When you receive a classmate’s document printout, initial it at the top of the page.
Read the author’s document carefully and have the example documents available on OpenLab open on your screen for reference.
Write a memo addressed to the author of the document that you are reviewing. Your memo should contain these things: memo information block, a one sentence introduction (you are providing feedback on x document by y person), and between 5-10 bullet points written in complete sentences/paragraphs that provide suggestions, comments, questions, directions, and guidance for improving the document that you are reading. Remember: No document is perfect and can always be improved upon. Let Simon Cowell be your spiritual guide in this respect.
Again, remember to email each memo to the author of the document reviewed, and copy-and-paste your memo into a comment made to this blog post. Do not put all of your memos into the same comment. Instead, make a separate comment for each memo that you write.
TO: Edwin Arriaza
FROM: SoJung Jang
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Feedback on Experience Based Resume
In this memo I am providing you with feedback to help improve your experience-based resume document.
You provided the month of the year for every company you’ve worked for except the last one where you worked as a desktop support analyst at Marsh & McLennan. I think it would look better if you provided the month in which you worked for that company as well.
On your first line of work experience as a service desk analyst at The Juilliard School, instead of using the word “handle” to start the description of your job position, “manage” would be a better word choice.
While you were a technical support at IDEO, the first description you used “Assisted the Administrator in providing technical support to 80+ users” can be improved. It would be better if you either dropped “Assisted the Administrator” or you put that towards the end of the description for example: “Provided technical support to 80+ users in support of the Administrator.”
The sentences you wrote in your third job description as a desktop support analyst at Marsh & McLennan doesn’t look as neat and lined up as the job descriptions for the other two companies. Maybe you can adjust the sentences to line them up in a better way so that each sentence is consistent and is pleasing to the eye.
You provided only two references, perhaps a third one would be more helpful.
TO: Sojung Jang
FROM: Edwin Alexis Arriaza
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Letter of application review
This memo will discuss feedback given on SoJung’s letter of application. Overall your letter of application was great because you clearly explained your passion for teaching, and correctly formatted your document. Below I am including some suggestions that may improve your document.
To whom it may concern should addressed once. If you don’t know the person’s name just include the address.
Mention your Friends name if you can in the first sentence. It can help verify that you know somebody from there.
On the third sentence, I would remove the phrase “I’m an ideal candidate for this position” and just speak about your passion. You articulated why you are passionate, and that alone allows the reader to know why you’re an ideal candidate.
The word “Through” should be though in the beginning of the third paragraph
The second paragraph, last sentence could elaborate on how you plan on creating an environment that will grab the students attention. Example: Creating engaging language learning activities that will keep the attention of the children
The third paragraph, second sentence seems a bit wordy. One way of rephrasing it can be “In a dental office, humans of all ages tend to be stressed out. I try my best to lower the stress in the environment by…….” This also tells EPIK what the problem and resolution is
“Find ways to better handle tough situations” could be changed to circumvent tough situations
Third paragraph, last sentence “grow together” this is a phrase I use often too, but I think it’ll be more helpful to express how you can be valuable for the company rather than the company being valuable to you.
You could mention classes you are taking or opportunities you are interested that can prepare you for this role.
TO: Esmeralda V
FROM: Ajahneik Jackson
DATE: March 15th, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer- Review
Application letters are essential for pursuing careers because these letters provide extensive information that may not be provided on resumes. When companies are looking for new employees often times they want the employee that sticks out from the rest on paper but also the individual that is a perfect fit for the jobs environment. By informing them of your passion for the field as well as the knowledge and skills you have gained along the way in pursuit of the job, you are setting yourself up for success within that company.
I am providing feedback on the Application Letter document by Esmeralda Vizueth.
When greeting a future employer on an application it is always best to say “ Dear sir / madame” simply because those are more formal tones and it creates a welcoming and yet professional tone for the entire letter.
You should always introduce yourself to the individual you are writing when starting off your application letter. Although your name is at the top of the paper restating it ree-informs the employer who you are.
Stating your interest in the company should come before your knowledge of the company and why you want to work for them in the application letter, because employers like for all letters to be straight to the point. By failing to provide your reasoning for writing the letter in the first few sentences you may automatically have your application revoked.
Mention more of what you would bring to the company and how that will help them grow. It makes them feel as though they need someone like you on their team increasing your chances of being hired
At the end of your application letter underneath “sincerely, your name.” Always close out your letter with “Enclosure: Resume”.
TO: Ajahneik M. Jackson
FROM: SoJung Jang
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Feedback on Job Application Letter
In this memo I am providing you with feedback to help improve your job application letter document.
You don’t need a heading at the very top of the page with all of our contact information like we do on a resume for a job application letter. We address our information in a slightly different way and here is how to do it: provide just your address at the upper left corner and the date like so:
123-45 67th street
Bayside, NY 11361
March 8, 2017
This is how the beginning of your letter should look. You can later on provide your phone number and email in the end of your letter.
When you address the person you are writing the letter to this is how you should address them:
Name, Title
Department where they work
Name of the Company
Street Address
City, State, Zipcode
And then you can start your letter by saying Dear, whoever.
Just by looking at your letter overall, it is not very pleasing to the eye. Your font size seems too small and your don’t seem to have neat, structured paragraphs. Your whole letter only fills up about half the page, perhaps you can write a little more and enlarge the font size to fill up the whole page.
I think you should specify in detail what kind of job position you are looking for in the company (you didn’t indicate what company you want to work for) and how you will be able to contribute to them.
It would be helpful to whoever is reading your letter to specify when is a good time to contact you and also don’t forget to provide them with your email.
TO: Ajahneik M. Jackson
FROM: Edwin Alexis Arriaza
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Experience based resume review
This memo will discuss feedback given on Ajahneik’s experience based resume. Overall, you have a great resume that allows me to have an insight on your experience with consistent formatting. Below are some points that may improve your resume
Specify what kind of employment position you are seeking
If you plan on staying at City Tech, I would include that with the degree you are pursuing and your expected graduation date
Mention any courses that you take or will take that will be relevant for the position you are seeking
Include references at the bottom of your experienced based resume
If possible, try to add a quantity to the work you do/did. Example: Answer over 50 phone calls daily
Try to mention software used for coordinating office activities. Example: Coordinated office activities using Outlook 2013’s Calendar
Avoid putting two job titles. Removing cashier for both existing roles should do the trick.
Elaborate on what you did as a volunteer. Use bullet points to show your responsibilities
Write out months for the dates including in this resume. Example: 1/17 –> January 2017
Instead of capitalizing your whole name just capitalize the first letter in your first and last name.
TO: Esmeralda Vizueth
FROM: SoJung Jang
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Feedback on Skill Based Resume
In this memo I am providing you with feedback to help improve your skill based document. Your resume doesn’t seem to be complete at this point, I hope my memo can help you in completing and building your resume.
First off I think your font selection can be better, I suggest using Ariel or Times New Roman in size 11 or 12. Your heading that includes all your contact information with your name should pop out more and be constructed in such a way that it’s the first thing that stands out to the reader.
If I’m not mistaken, I believe this is a skill based resume but your skills are written at the bottom of the page. I think it would stand out more if you were to write them towards the top, right after your objective. You seem to have many skills but you have not provided the reader with any descriptions of it. You should specify your skills in more detail so that even if someone who is unfamiliar with the skill read your document, they can understand what kind of skills you possess.
You should include the date in which you started and ended your job experience in your employment history.
I think you can leave out your high school in your education description. Again, you should specify the date in which you started attending/graduated from the school.
You don’t have any references yet, be sure to include all the things you mentioned that needs to be included in your reference and provide at least three references.
TO: Edwin Arriaza
FROM: Iliane Soriano
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review
My name is Iliane Soriano and I will be providing feedback on Edwin Arriaza’s Job Application Letter. I believe your letter was great with room for improvement.
I believe the first paragraph could use a little more detail on why you have an interest in the company. What is it that really draws your attention to wanting to work for them?
In your third sentence you use the word “I currently am” which did sound a bit off to me. When googling the phrase I found people using “I am currently” and that the word “currently” was a bit redundant. In order to make the sentence a bit better you might say “I am a….” or “ As a Service Desk Analyst at The Juilliard School I would like to continue…”. This would help out in your sentence structure since you also use “and” twice in the sentence.
I feel like this sentence is a bit conflicting. You are stating that you want to continue to improve the efficiency of the IT team at Juilliard. Which to a company may sound like you’re happy where you are and that’s what you want to continue to do. Maybe, the sentence should focus on what would make you happy about working for Airbnb. As well as how you would help them build as a company if hired for this role.
There are a few sentence structure errors throughout the letter. For example using “and” twice.
Adding what you learned in school and how that can help you in this role (if applicable).
How can troubleshooting help you in this particular role?
TO: Edwin Arriaza
FROM: Ajahneik Jackson
DATE: March 15th, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer- Review
Experience resumes are essential to the hiring process because your future employers are allowed to see what skills you have acquired throughout your prior jobs. Skills that were similar to or building you up to work for the job you are applying for. These resumes provides background information of your work history, and task that you may have taken care of at previous jobs. As well as extensive information of special honors, certifications, and skills you may have acquired along the way.
I am providing feedback on the Experience Resume document by Edwin Arriaza.
Always try to provide a minimum of 3 references solely because there may come a time where one reference may be unreachable leaving you with only one reference to rely on .
Placing your education at the top of your resume, underneath your objective will automatically inform your future employer whether or not you are educationally qualified for the position. Although you may have done research and confirmed that you do qualify, it is best to prevent any hassles that may persuade them to disregard your document.
Always remember to provide the same layout for all your work experience including both the month and the year you worked for each establishment.
Be careful with the wording used to describe your duties while working in a specific facility. Instead of saying you assisted an administrator just simply inform the employer of the service you provided.
TO: Esmeralda Vizueth
FROM: Iliane Soriano
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review
My name is Iliane Soriano and I will be providing feedback on Esmeralda Vizueth’s Experience-based Resume. This is a great start to your Resume!
You can emphasize your preparation by adding the relevant courses you’ve taken in School.
Adding a special course that is related to your career objective. Such as a course you may have taken that brings education and modern technology together.
Was there a difference in the kind of education that the students were receiving when you were the one planning their curriculum? Was there any kind of improvement in their behavior? Possibly highlight an achievement brought on from you being the person in charge.
Bullet points may make the Resume a bit easier to navigate through.
Adding in some references.
List what you’ve learned at your previous job that would help you succeed.
TO: Ajahneik Jackson
FROM: Iliane Soriano
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review
My name is Iliane Soriano and I will be providing feedback on Ajahneik Jackson’s Skills-based Resume. You have a lot of great skills and accomplishments.
Your objective shows that you want to encourage your professional development. What is a goal that you can help a prospective employer achieve?
Add a skill from your current position that will appeal to prospective employers.
If your major relates, adding it to your education with a projected year of finishing would be ideal. This would show your commitment to professional development. Showing that you haven’t stopped at your Associates of Art and you are pursuing more.
If you are referring to selling your own handmade products that can also be listed as employment history.
The way your special qualifications are listed could be arranged in a more appealing way.
TO: Ajahneik M. Jackson
FROM: Esmeralda Vizueth
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Skills-Based Resume Review
The purpose of this memo is to provide feedback on Ajahneik M. Jackson’s skills-based resume.
Objective of the resume isn’t necessarily personal. Must include contribution to the intended company/organization.
The author of this resume has included detailed information of her skills.
Her writing style demonstrates confidence and awareness of her skills in business administration.
Proficiency in any software should be considered a skill.
Employment history is related to skills.
TO: Ajahneik M. Jackson
FROM: Esmeralda Vizueth
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Experience-Based Resume Review
The purpose of this memo is to provide feedback on Ajahneik M. Jackson’s experience-based resume.
Resume Objective must tell the hiring manager what skills, knowledge, and abilities you have that will help the company achieve its goals.
Education block is usually included at the end of resume.
Volunteer work is included in an additional section.
Included relevant skills in every job position.
Needs more volunteer work.
TO: Professor Ellis
FROM: Chia Hao Hsu
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Project 1, Peer Review
My name is Danny and I am providing feedback on SoJung Jang’s skill-based resume.
The career objective statement for the skill based resume seems a bit vague and unclear of what your career goal would like to be. Is there a specific teaching position that you are seeking to get out of this whether it is for elementary, middle or high school? Is is just a targeted English teaching position or is it something much boarder. Perhaps you can use the job ad as a potential starting point for the position which you wish to apply for. After you narrow it down, your original objective sentence seems like a great place to start and elaborate a little bit more on what it is that you could potentially bring to the workplace that would benefit the company that is about to hire you.
If your objective is a short and targeted statement designed to target a specific job, then so should your skills and accomplishment section. I know that it is sometimes hard to write a specific resume that targets a specific area which you want to apply to due to the lack of professional experience but that doesn’t mean that you are not uniquely qualified for it.
In some ways you have begin to outline specific skills that might be required for a language arts teacher but you might want to consider the examples which you have already given. If the job requires examples to see how you deal with students, then they might want examples of how you deal with and interact with children’s and teens. A skill and accomplishment also doesn’t have to come directly from the job experience. You might want to consider aspects of your life where you have done something creative.
The employment history is pretty self explanatory and since this is a skill based resume, I might not be that important but on a side note, I would try and stick to the format given by the examples provided by the professor.
You might want to diversify the references which you present in your resume. Maybe include a teacher that you have great relationship with.
TO: Esmeralda Vizueth
FROM: Edwin Alexis Arriaza
DATE: March 15, 2017
SUBJECT: Letter of application review
This memo will discuss feedback given on Esmeralda’s letter of application. I like your knowledge on understanding the development of video games but do think some of my recommendations below can help your letter of application.
Remove your name from the address section of the letter of application (top)
In the first sentence, refer to “your” as the company name
Refer this letter to “To whom this may concern” instead of person
Mention specifically the role you are seeking (even it is not realistic at the moment) instead of referring to the role as “Something in your company”
Document text should be Times New Roman or Ariel. This font seems a bit outdated
Remove “I believe” in the last sentence, of the first paragraph because it takes away your confidence that your experience will be valuable to the company, which it will!
The body paragraphs should be used to express how your experience as an ATA or classes you have taken will be valuable to the company. Any task, project or responsibility can be explained here.
Last paragraph, first sentence specify which goal you can help them achieve
Sincerely yours is not formatted correctly. Should be indented to the left.
TO: SoJung Jang
FROM: Ajahneik Jackson
DATE: March 15th, 2017
SUBJECT: Peer- Review
Application letters are essential for pursuing careers because these letters provide extensive information that may not be provided on resumes. When companies are looking for new employees often times they want the employee that sticks out from the rest on paper but also the individual that is a perfect fit for the jobs environment. By informing them of your passion for the field as well as the knowledge and skills you have gained along the way in pursuit of the job, you are setting yourself up for success within that company.
I am providing feedback on the Application Letter document by SoJung Jang.
It is always best to specify where and who exactly informed you of the open job position you are applying for.
It is also best to state a qualification of some sort in the first paragraph of your letter just to reaffirm the employer reading that you qualify for the position.
Inform the employer of the attributes that you will offer to the program and your plans on how you intend to thrive and teach in such an environment to assist your students in growing as well.
Expand a little on how you intend to assertively handle tough situations., what new ways will you find, how are those ways beneficial to the program.