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Developmental Writing Express Summer 2019
The Split Self: Personal Identity On- and Off-line
At the end of the introduction I wasn’t sure if he had a thesis. In the second paragraph when his dad called him ” te miras bien cabron” maybe he could’ve added how he felt or what he thought when he heard this from his dad. In the next paragraph when he mentions that when a word is said among friends their isn’t an offense to it, but when out of the circle it is a different story. There you could’ve added an example.
Jason’s essay had a nice flow to it. His introduction paragraph was kind of confusing just because I didn’t know what his thesis was. The last sentence of the introduction throws me off a bit, I don’t really get he is trying to say. With the use of personal experience in the second paragraph was great although I didn’t understand the spanish. The second paragraph allows the reader to have an insight of you as a person. When using a different language in an essay you should translate the meaning of a word in parenthesis next to it so the reader isn’t as confused. Overall is was a good essay.