First, please read about Higher Order Concerns (HOC) and Lower Order Concerns (LOC) in the Revision Process on the Purdue OWL: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/690/01/
Second, please post any questions or observations you have about the three stages–Structural Revision, Line Editing, Proofreading–of the Revision Process, and/or how these relate to HOC and LOC.
Finally, please write one paragraph explaining what you plan to change in the next draft of your personal literacies narrative essay.
My question about HOC is does it apply to all types of writings? For example, if you’re writing a narrative essay like we currently are in class, is the thesis really a concern if you’re telling a story, rather than a research paper or “article” on a certain topic?
What I plan to change on my next draft is my introduction. the way I wrote the first time, I wrote it in two paragraphs because I had two ideas and from the reading we did a few weeks ago about paragraphs – and how I write paragraphs in general – whenever you introduce a new idea, it’s best to start a new paragraph so you don’t confuse the reader. It’s also a good idea to start a new paragraph so you give the reader time to absorb what they just read before reading about something else. What I plan to do now is find a way to merge the two ideas into one because writing two introductory paragraphs in the first place is confusing.
Mohamed,
What a great question! The simple answer is: yes. HOCs apply to every type of writing. However, as we discussed in class last week, the specific ways in which thesis statements function will vary in different genres of writing.
Thanks for your thoughts about paragraphs. I like where you are going with these.
What I plan to change in my next draft are a few sentences and the conclusion. I think in my conclusion I wasn’t really rapping up near the end, so I figured I should have my conclusion explain what I mention in the previous paragraphs above and show the readers how it relates to reading and writing. Some of the sentences I read over, I wanted to word it differently. If I felt like that sentences wasn’t clear or was too long, I re read it over and see what I can do to make it rather shorter, longer, sound more intresting, elaborate more on and so forth…
A question regarding the HOC is does it matter why someone wants to read the paper? Under the “ Auidence and Purpose” section, there was a question that asked “ Why would someone want to read this paper?”. There are many reasons someone would want to read whatever paper it is. When I read that question, it reminded me of people that would be interested in the paper. Something like that..
Sheldon,
To start with your excellent question, the answer is: absolutely “it” (whatever that is) matters whey someone is reading or would want to read your paper! Audience concerns and why something is being written, i.e., purpose, are intricately connected and mutually informing. How you think about HOCs is determined by your audience. Would you agree?
We have not talked much about conclusions, so I’m delighted that you’re thinking about them. I find them much less straight forward than introductions, which have a very clear purpose. In College Writing, conclusions are a synthesis of what you have written, not a summary. Does that make sense?
One observation I made while reading the “HOCs and LOCs” and What Is Revision?” is that they both pretty much talked about the same thing. However, in the reading “What Is Revision?” revision process divided into three categories (Structural Revision, Line Editing, and Proofreading). Basically Structural Revision and Line Editing are similar to HOCs and Proofreading is similar to LOCs.
In my next draft, I am planing to change my third body paragraph. While the peer editing I realized that I could talking a lot more about the idea I am presenting. I might have to rewrite the whole paragraph due to the flow of information. Other then that I will also work a little on my introduction to make it clear. There was some part of introduction I thought isn’t clear enough for my audience as i was reading it for the second times.
Emran,
Thank you!!!!! Your analysis of the relationships between these two texts is spot on. So now I must ask you, which model do you find most helpful and why?
I’m also really pleased that you are engaging with revision as a rewriting process and not just a “fixing” process. I’m also delighted to hear the peer review session was so helpful.
I found the model you gave us in class most helpful because it clearly tells me what I need focus on each draft if I am doing 3 draft. Also each of the categories in this model focus on few things, which helps me stay on track instead of thinking everything together.
I’ve observed that all steps of the Revision process stress the importance of revising your thesis to make it effective or coherent. This relates to Higher Order Concerns because your thesis is the first thing issue you address when revising a paper.
Thanks to Huilin, in the next draft of my personal narrative essay, I plan on clearing up my introduction. I re-use too many words and it’s a bit jumbled. I’d like to get the point of my essay across better and in a more concise way. After fixing the introduction, I would like to flush out more of my paragraphs and maybe add more paragraphs. I didn’t go into enough depth in this draft so I’ll address it in my next draft.
Kyle,
Regarding your first point, I could not agree more. Thank you for pointing this out. The ongoing process of revising and rewriting and rethinking one’s thesis is at the core of all HOCs and what I call “structural revision.”
Your plans regarding specific revisions are excellent. I like how much you are thinking about the needs of your reader both at the paragraph and sentence level.
After reading about the three stages of revision, I realized that all stages have a section about clarity. You are constantly checking your paper to make sure your communicating your message clearly. I see how important clarity is in every essay.
In my next draft, I plan to change the structure of my essay. Demba pointed out to me that my introduction is very short and that my second paragraph has similar points. I can combine these paragraphs since they support the same thing. He also suggested that I expanded on one of my other paragraphs to give more details about how I learned to enjoy reading. I will take all these suggestions when doing my next draft.
Anika,
Thank you for this! I completely agree that clarity is crucial at every stage. However, I must ask you: how does revising for clarity differ in each stage?
Your plan for reworking the structure and specific paragraphs in your essay sounds great!
In agreement with the text, in my next draft of personal narrative essay I opt to better define my introduction, subtract the excess content (background) so that the reading can be more understandable. After arranging the introduction, I consider that the body of my essay meets all the requirements. And finally my conclusion, I choose to shorten it more so that the public is not bored with too many texts.
Thanks, Jazmin. All of these sound like very thoughtful revisions. Regarding your conclusion, I would remind you that length can, though does not always, result in boredom from your audience. However, repetition will almost always result in boredom. Returning to @Sheldon‘s comment/question regarding conclusions, perhaps some good advice is to write something in your conclusion that your audience will feel is necessary, engaging, and thought-provoking.
I don’t really have any questions about the documents I just learned a lot about writing College essays from them but I do have a question about line editing. Isn’t line editing just used for grammar and spelling? Or is it something else because if it’s just that then I’m okay on that part.
What I plan to change in my next draft will be to focus on just one topic at a time and not keep switching between them, another thing I will be doing is expanding on my conclusion and give an update on my way of reading and writing today and on how technology helped me through my life so far.
Chadel,
This is an interesting question. I would say line editing is more about the “wording” of particular ideas than about grammatical correctness or spelling. Grammar, as we will discuss at some point, is a very complex term that refers at times to correctness in the use of a specific written dialect and at others to the structure of a language as a whole. Thus, you could say that in line editing a writer is attending to what is called “descriptive grammar,” or how the manner in which a sentence is written relates to what it means, and in proofreading to “prescriptive grammar,” or the correctness of spelling, punctuation and syntax.
Does that make sense? If not, I’ll be happy to discuss this at greater length with you when I see you. I must also thank you for asking this question in this specific way since it allowed me to think about the fact that it is really descriptive grammar is what one is attending to in line editing and prescriptive grammar in proofreading.
Your revision plans sound ambitious! I’m happy you are finding so much to work on, and I will look forward to seeing the next draft.
One question I have after reading Higher Order Concerns (HOC) and Lower Order Concerns (LOC) in the Revision Process on the Purdue is if it applies to any type of writing? Furthermore, I observed and grasped the significance of revision. The central thesis should always be a one-sentence explanation of what the paper will be about.
I plan to change a few things in my introductory paragraph. I will improve my introduction by constructing a better one sentence central thesis. I believe that my thesis is very broad at the moment and I plan to change it. In addition, I hope to expand my body paragraphs with relevant details that can make make my essay more interesting. Also, I plan to write my narrative essay in a more general way instead of being extraordinarily detailed about everything. Therefore, I will incorporate what I have learned about HOCs and LOCs in my narrative essay.
Sam,
Thanks for this! It sounds like your question is similar to Mohamed’s so please take a look at my reply to his question above (it is the first comment). In class last week, we talked a bit about the explicit versus implicit thesis statements and the question of whether an explicit thesis statement could be used in a narrative essay. The answer was: yes, though more often an implicit thesis statement is used. This topic is an interesting and important one, so I have no doubt we will be discussing it further.
Regarding your plans for revising your essay, I find that in general draft thesis statements are usually quite broad and are narrowed down and refined in the revision process. That said, it may also be the case the thesis statements for narrative essays are often broader than thesis statements for argumentative or research essays.
I personally don’t have any questions for the outline above. However, It is something to keep and take in to consideration in completing this assignment. It’s good to be aware of all the common issues addressed in this handout.
With taking this in mind there are a few things I’d like to revise in my essay. I’ve noticed that a few of my paragraphs are similar in theme so I will work on removing filler ,maybe truncate some paragraphs, but not to a point where my essay is too short in length.This is an issue that I sometimes neglected in the past, adding too much isn’t always the best. Aside from common spelling errors I will make sure my sequencing flows cohesively. This will be personal, however Ill make sure that doesn’t alienate the reader.
Stefan,
This sounds like an excellent plan. Like you, I often struggle with making things too concise, but by always being aware of the needs of your audience, you should be able to find a good balance between too much and too little information in specific paragraphs.
After reading both article, I learned that HOCs is same as Structural Revision and Proofreading. It’s about did we have our topic or not and did it explain clearly. And LOCs is same as Line Editing, such as correct sentence structure and structure, punctuation, word choice, and spelling .
I plan to add few example in my body paragraph because Jazmin told me that there are few unclear ideas that she couldn’t understand. And I will check my grammar like what I just learned in the LOCs for Line Editing.
Alex,
Structural Revision is definitely the stage of revision when you address HOCs. But then you add that “Proofreading” is also part of addressing HOCs, and with that statement, I’m not following you. Could you explain why you wrote that?
Your revision plans sound good. However, regarding this very large and often ambiguous issue of “checking one’s grammar,” please read over my reply to Chadel above and try to be focused on what types of grammar issues you are addressing. Are you focusing on syntax issues? Those are certainly important and the syntax of SWE is very different from Chinese. Alternately, are you focusing on diction issues, i.e., articles, SWE verb forms and tenses, prepositions, relative pronouns? As a non-native speaker of English, you must prioritize which types of grammar issues you are working on at any one time. Otherwise, you will make little progress with each.
Alex,
Structural Revision is definitely the stage of revision when you address HOCs. But then you add that “Proofreading” is also part of addressing HOCs, and with that statement, I’m not following you. Could you explain why you wrote that?
Your revision plans sound good. However, regarding this very large and often ambiguous issue of “checking one’s grammar,” please read over my reply to Chadel above and try to be focused on what types of grammar issues you are addressing. Are you focusing on syntax issues? Those are certainly important and the syntax of SWE is very different from Chinese. Alternately, are you focusing on diction issues, i.e., articles, SWE verb forms and tenses, prepositions, relative pronouns? As a non-native speaker of English, you must prioritize which types of grammar issues you are working on at any one time. Otherwise, you will make little progress with each.
After reading about the three stages, I realized I learned a lot about something I thought I knew. Observations that I made was realizing that we mistake proof reading for the other two stages (structural revision and line editing). This made me understand that drafting and writing shouldn’t be so generalized, but more so into detail so that your best work will be put forward. These three stages relate to HOC and LOC because it goes into depth as to what writers should pay attention to. They go hand in hand as you go through these steps and processes, such as checking your thesis statement ( this would be considered a HOC/structural editing).
What I plan to change in my next draft for my personal narratives essay will definitely be based off of my peer revision from Kyle. He gave me great insight on what I should change, such as clarifying certain statements I made and going in depth with details. I also thought about some ways I can strengthen my essay, and that is by keeping in mind about who is my audience. I appreciate the drafting process more and a college student writer, and definitely will change my draft with these things in mind.
Thanks! This sounds like a great plan. I’m delighted to hear that Kyle was such a helpful peer reviewer. I must admit, I’m not at all surprised ;).
After reading through the HOC’s and LOC’s in conjunction with the three stages of revision we talked about earlier I’ve developed a much more logical approach to writing as a whole. The purpose should almost always be to convey your ideas in a way that anyone will get. The focus when revising should be clearing away anything that may obscure the intention of the text especially in something like a narrative essay where it is very easy to over inform.
In my next draft I plan to reconstruct the conclusion in a way that has a less abrupt ending while maintaining the continuation of the narrative. With that I also want to reorganize the internal structure of many of the paragraphs so there is more seamless transitions in the story as a whole. In previous drafts I came up with several different versions of many of the body paragraphs that I am going to mix and match until I have a cohesive product so that the reader has an easier time grasping the central idea of the narrative.
Thanks, Ian. This sounds great!
Ive learned that structural revision and higher order concerns (HOCS) are most likely the same structural revision would be revising my thesis statement, my paragraphs if it makes sense, my argument and higher order concerns is doing the same me checking if it makes sense its organized, if i have a purpose for me writing what i am writing. Lower higher oder concerns to me would be like proofreading me just doing my 3rd step and checking for spelling, punctuations. I don’t really have any questions about the three stages but i do find these three stages helpful and higher and lower concerns helpful in me writing my essay.
What i would change for my next draft is, my title because when we spoke in class my title didn’t really go with what i was writing about but, being in class and talking about my essay really made me find my purpose in my essay, so i would also like to change some of my paragraphs and the order i wrote my paragraphs. My essay had to do more about a certain topic then what my title said.
melannie moreria
Ive learned that structural revision and higher order concerns (HOCS) are most likely the same structural revision would be revising my thesis statement, my paragraphs if it makes sense, my argument and higher order concerns is doing the same me checking if it makes sense its organized, if i have a purpose for me writing what i am writing. Lower higher oder concerns to me would be like proofreading me just doing my 3rd step and checking for spelling, punctuations. I don’t really have any questions about the three stages but i do find these three stages helpful and higher and lower concerns helpful in me writing my essay.
What i would change for my next draft is, my title because when we spoke in class my title didn’t really go with what i was writing about but, being in class and talking about my essay really made me find my purpose in my essay, so i would also like to change some of my paragraphs and the order i wrote my paragraphs. My essay had to do more about a certain topic then what my title said.
melannie moreira
Thanks!
Actually, I don’t have any questions regarding the Hoc, because I have learned that before in my last semester, but when I read this again… I feel like it refreshes my memory.
Something I plan to change in my essay is that I want to also indicate the struggles I face when I read or write, such as the language, the grammar. Because for now, I only write how I learn to read and write, or how I fall in love with reading and writing. I will also add who makes me want to read and how they affect me.
Actually, I don’t have any questions regarding the Hoc, because I have learned that before in my last semester, but when I read this again… I feel like it refreshes my memory.
Something I plan to change in my essay is that I want to also indicate the struggles I face when I read or write, such as the language, the grammar. Because for now, I only write how I learn to read and write, or how I fall in love with reading and writing. I will also add who makes me want to read and how they affect me.
Hui Lin,
Thanks for this! It sounds like you have a great plan for revising your draft.
I don’t really have any question because i had something similar towards this articles when i was in high school but this one has more information.
In my next personal narratives essay draft i plan to focus on a better introduction and try to give more details in my body paragraphs even thought i felt it was good details i believe i need more so maybe it could be a little bit more clear to the audience so they can gravity, also i would expand my conclusion because I’m a bit shaky on conclusion.
Thanks, Chemar. If you have a minute, I’d certainly be interested in hearing more about the specific ways in which Higher Order Concerns and Lower Order Concerns relate to what you were taught about revision as a process in high school.
What I plan to change in my next draft of my personal literacies narrative essay is to be more organized with the topics I’m writing about and to stay away from repetition. When I’m writing I tend to repeat a lot of words or topics I already talked about. I can also work on my transition sentences, so that the reader can have a clear understanding to what the next paragraph will be about. Working on clarity will also help me with my next draft, so that the reader won’t be confused.The solution that I can use in my next draft is the line editing definition paper and HOC &LOCs to help me become a better writer.
An observation I noticed is that line editing is almost the same as HOC, both focuses on clarity of each paragraphs,organization, and making sure that there is a thesis. When LOC is similar to proofreading because the both are revising grammar and punctuation errors.
From what i have learned in revising my narrative using HOC & LOC the focus of putting all the important information in the first paragraph should always draw the attention of the reader. once the introduction has all the central ideas, i can then focus on the body and conclusion. Before writing gathering the information is very important, so that i can progress my paper in a organize way with logical reasoning to the reader. Proof reading takes time and should be the last step in correcting grammar and punctuation, this is a habit i always have.
Now that i understand my Habits of writing several rough drafts of essays my goal will be to develop and reorganize my paragraph structure by putting the important details and example first.
After reading ” understanding sentences”it was surprising to me that their are different types of sentences rules in SWE such as simple sentences, complex sentences, or compound sentences, that fall between two types of clauses interdependent or dependent clauses. Each clause needs to be carefully integrated into sentences to preserve the integrity of the sentence logical and syntactical perspective. Reading out to yourself helps you discover non sentences and sentences.
I don’t have no questions the three stages-Structure Revision, line editing and proofreading of the revision process.
In my draft ,I will try to work in the process of making paragraph . In my first draft ,I did mix ideas . After reading about the higher Order Concerns (HOC) and lower Order Concerns (LOC) in the revision process on the purdue OWL ,I found out that the way I made the paragraphs wasn’t right .