Writing here and there and everywhere

LN Draft- Valentina Agnes

So as this is called a “Shitty First Draft”, I am just going to be slurring all my ideas on this post. My education narrative is coming from the perspective of an incoming 15 year-old freshman in high school. So that already gives you the setting, “Jamaica High School”. Walking through those yelling yellow walls with so many morals of significant abolitionist. In taking the smell of something always cooking, whether it’d be the microwaves, radiating the food to warm up, or from that lingering smell of the ovens in the kitchen, that’s always pre-heating that stale ass nasty food. The touches of other students greeting one another as if they’ve known each other for years. But one thing I lacked of was the taste of others cultures, the fact that there was cultures that I didn’t know about baffles me. There was no comfort for me at all, I felt so out of place. One out of three girls, who was fare skinned and didn’t know much about the black culture, feeling a shortage of breath as everyone looked at me whether it’d be curiosity or confusion as into why is this “white looking girl in this school”. But, after introduction my favorite line was, “I am hispanic, not white.” Although my color says other wise, I do get very tanned in the summer. But, I am not white. Not that being white is a bad thing, it’s just not what I am and people tend to mix that up about me. Clouding their judgment towards me. For those in my school who did, they always kept a wall up because of the past. They didn’t know any better, I didn’t know any better. I still felt like, walking down those halls to get to my class, the walls were closing up on me and separating me from everyone else.

12 Comments

  1. Abigail Branch

    “But, after introduction my favorite line was, “I am hispanic, not white.” This line brought me back to a similar personal experienced I had in high school in which most people in my school would ask if my hair was real and ask if I was mixed. I soon too had a line after introduction which was “Yes my hair is real and my grandparents are white and black mix.”

  2. YongYu Chen

    This is so great and drag me into the scene. Sometimes we have to endure the bias and misunderstanding from others. They seem not that mature for their psyches even over ten more years old and just talk without thinking before they talk. But never mind, you are great and prominent!

  3. Zachary F.

    I can somewhat relate to this as I had multiple friends who had similar experiences. They would be bothered by bias and mistreatment. I had people like that come and talk to me about it. From that one time we were in breakout rooms together and talked I know you are pure of heart, so remember that you’re amazing on the inside despite about what they think of you.

    • Valentina Agnes

      Thank you for your considerate comment. Very heartful and thank you for the compliment!

  4. Manesa

    I can definitely relate i have a beautiful friend and she’s Hispanic but her skin is very light and the some people in school would think she’s white because of her hair type !

  5. Nevena Vuckovic

    Great draft! I liked the descriptive language and your topic 🙂 Many people can relate to how it is in the beginning of High School.

  6. Jacquelyn Blain

    I agree with the wonderful comments people left. This is a powerful piece, but it doesn’t feel quite complete. Don’t get me wrong — I love these kinds of ambiguous endings that leave us in the space. I’m just wondering if you want to add something else at the end; not necessarily recommending it because it might be too obvious or boring or sweet or what in the film business we call “on the nose” meaning “yep, I expected that.” So just think about it and if it doesn’t feel right — if nothing cool comes to you — then just leave it the way it is!

    The only other thing is to just be sure it says exactly what you want to say, exactly the way you want to say it. I only say that because the language is so perfectly “today” that I wouldn’t want you to “pretty it up.” Just a suggestion to read through and make sure it’s doing what you want it to do; I’m happy with it the way it is!

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