After doing my proposal last week, along with the reviews from my fellow classmates and professor, I was able to narrow down my topic more on what I plan to research for my assignment. The topic I chose for my research paper is based on love, especially self-love within romantic relationships. As I stated in my previous proposal, “This topic interest me because I had a hard time loving myself when I was young in feeling that I did not belong because of who I am. Moving back and forth between Trinidad and New York, I had challenges making friends because I was afraid to put myself out there and did not want to get rejected for being myself.” Ever since I had those problems and feelings when I was young, it has affected me in ways of wondering if I will ever be good enough for someone I truly love. Therefore, for this research assignment, I want to explore how self-love impacts on romantic relationships, in a positive and negative way. Also, I hope to specifically learn the key elements of love and how to really implement it fully to myself. I think from doing this specific topic for my assignment, would give me a better understanding of it all and really help me to improve myself presently.
The first source that I found which relates to my topic is a book called, ‘All About Love,’ by Bell Hooks. This book will first ask you to practice deep and honest reflection about how you love and if it is really love at all, and then it would really set you free. It can be read as a self-help book but written more like a memoir and an academic text, with Hooks’ distinctly sharp style and analytical approach. Hooks delves into the ways we learn how to love by example, and what happens to those who do not have examples of love in their own lives. She unpacks cultural paradigms and dynamics about relationships, respect, and sex to ultimately forge a path toward love that is a verb, not a noun, that is sacred and true, both on a personal and collective, societal level.
The second source that I found which relates to my topic is an article intitled, ‘Self-Love Is the New #RelationshipGoals,’ by Davia Sills. As stated in the article, “Finding yourself means soul-searching the peaks and valleys of your life and seeing them as a necessary part of your growth. Having the ability to self-reflect means being comfortable spending time with yourself, devoid of shame and judgment, to work on you—your insecurities, strengths, flaws, and the valuable contributions that you have to offer to yourself and others. The ability to truly find happiness and love in yourself makes you more confident and self-assured in your love for others.” I totally agree with this statement because it explains how you need to learn to learn yourself first before you can love someone else.
The third source that I found which relates to my topic is an article intitled, ‘Self Care vs. Self Love: How to Love Yourself in a Relationship’ by Caitlin Killoren. As stated in the article, “In order to have a healthy relationship, both you and your partner need to be healthy yourselves. And, yes, physical health is always important, but that is not exactly what we mean here. We mean that both you and your partner need to be able to support and care for your own mental and emotional health.” I agree with this statement because it is something that I have been telling myself and really trying to work on.
The fourth source that I found which relates to my topic is an article intitled, ‘How to Develop Self-Love and Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship,’ by Brad Alexander. A quote that I found in the article to be really intriguing was, “An outstanding love doesn’t come from two half-fulfilled people coming together to make one whole, complete life. Outstanding love comes from two whole people coming together to share and enhance their already full and beautiful lives.” (Pia Scade) This article talks about his experience and I really think that I can learn from him.
The fifth source that I found which relates to my topic is an article intitled, ‘The Importance of Treating Self-Love as a Relationship,’ by Courtney Harris Coaching. A quote that I found to be very admirable was, “Self-love is not a destination. It is a relationship. And like all relationships, it requires time, attention, care, and practice.” I really found that statement to be aspiring. As stated by the article, “When I think about self-love as a relationship, I feel a sense of understanding, patience, and compassion wash over me. And how poetic is it that these feelings are in alignment with the goal of self-love?! How does this idea of self-love as relationship land with you?”
The sixth source that I found which relates to my topic is website which includes advice intitled, ‘5 Reasons Why Self-Love is Important for Relationships,’ by Ruby Fremon. As stated by the article, “Everyone dreams of having a happily ever after type of relationship, but not everyone is willing to do the work required to get that type of relationship. You want to know the bold truth? Love is doomed without self-love. You need that foundation prior to stepping into relationships.” It also goes on to say, “Rather than jumping from unhappy relationship to unhappy relationship… take a break and utilize that time to get to know you. Instead of seeking the love you desire from others, find that love within you first. Self-love is the foundation upon which you build all your other relationships. Everything comes down to how much you love yourself.” I totally agree with this and I think I should really consider those words of wisdom.
1. Alexander, Brad. “How to Develop Self-Love & Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship.” Tiny Buddha, 28 December 2020. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/strong-relationships-stem-self-love-develop/ Accessed on 04 May 2021.
This source contains the author’s experience and stories about self-love and how it improves relationships. This source is useful to my topic because it talks about learning self-love while in a relationship, and how to develop self-love if you are in a relationship. These include the areas of how to maintain a degree of space and independence, to remember you are the master of your own happiness, to see in yourself what your partner sees in you, to do not get disheartened when you see your flaws, to forgive yourself for your failings, and to remember love is an action (not a feeling). This source is reliable and should be taken seriously because I think it really relates to my topic on how self-love can improve the type of relationships you want to have in your life.
2. Coaching, Courtney Harris. “The Importance of Treating Self-Love as a Relationship.” 4 November 2020. https://courtneyharriscoaching.com/self-love-as-relationship/ Accessed on 04 May 2021.
This source contains information on seeing self-love as relationship, relationships love rituals, ideas for practicing self-love, and tapping into support. This source is useful to my topic because of the information that the author talks about. As stated in the article, “I like to think of rituals as containers for connection that we can count on. Rituals are practices that we return to again and again.” This source is reliable and should be taken seriously because I think it really relates to my topic on how the importance of self-love is important and how it is treated as a relationship too.
3. Fremon, Ruby. “5 Reasons Why Self-Love Is Important for Relationships.” The Latest Catch, 16 February 2016. https://blog.pof.com/2016/02/5-reasons-self-love-important-relationships/ Accessed on 04 May 2021.
This source contains information on the importance of self-love for relationships, along with reasons on why it is. This source is useful to my topic because it talks about the areas on how you will attract better, on how you will improve the quality of your relationships, on how you will show up differently in relationships, and on how your partners will treat you differently. This source is reliable and should be taken seriously because I think it really relates to my topic on the reasons of how self-love affects relationships in a positive way.
4. Hooks, Bell. “All about Love: New Visions.” Harper Perennial, 2018.
This source contains the ideas on; “1. Love is not what we thought it was, 2. Our culture praises the pursuit of materialism, and it is difficult to love others when we are so self-centered, 3. Self-love and spirituality are critical to having loving relationships with others, 4. People learn how to love from their families and friends, 5. Mutual growth and openness are the basis for love, 6. It’s not easy to fall in love and keep it going. We can’t control who we fall in love with, so we shouldn’t expect that to be the case.” This source is useful to my topic because discusses the problems with love, love’s definitions, honesty: the basis of love, the importance of self-love, and love and healing. This source is reliable and should be taken seriously because I think it really relates to my topic on how to pursue love, where you first must define what you want from your relationship and then act on that desire by pursuing the person who can give it to you.
5. Killoren, Caitlin. “Self-Care vs. Self Love: How to Love Yourself in a Relationship.” Relish, 3 September 2020. https://hellorelish.com/articles/how-to-love-yourself-in-a-relationship.html Accessed on 04 May 2021.
This source contains how to practice self-care in your relationship and how to practice self-love in your relationship. This source is useful to my topic because within the two stated topics in the previous sentence, they include focusing on taking time to be solo, setting boundaries, managing stress levels, being present, recognizing your feelings, and seeking spiritual connection. This source is reliable and should be taken seriously because I think it really relates to my topic on how to love yourself in a relationship and I feel like it really has valuable information that I can learn myself.
6. Sills, Davia. “Self-Love Is the New #RelationshipGoals.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 12 June 2019. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/201906/self-love-is-the-new-relationshipgoals#:~:text=With%20self%2Dlove%2C%20you%27,the%20need%20for%20external%20validation.&text=When%20you%20truly%20love%20yourself,and%20when%20to%20walk%20away Accessed on 04 May 2021.
This source contains six things to conquer in order to achieve self-love as the new #relationshipgoal. This source is useful to my topic because it explains how partners treat you the way they see you treat yourself, how more self-love will attract healthier relationships, how a relationship should be a partnership, not a codependent situation, how no one can make you happy the way you can make yourself happy, how to understand and accept that you cannot depend on other people to make you feel loved, and how people treat you the way they see you treat yourself. This source is reliable and should be taken seriously because I think it really relates to my topic on how self-love is really important within relationships.