Category: Pandemic Processing

The beginning of the coronavirus lockdown affected a lot of people so much that it’s scary. It’s easily one of the biggest events in history. I always remind myself how weird it is that for some kids, they literally never went inside of a school for their entire school year. Some people struggle to find work because their job isn’t necessary during this pandemic and others deal with mental problems due to the stress of all this. I on the other hand consider myself lucky because as crazy it may sound this pandemic hasn’t affected me all that much. I never left my home for anything in the first place and the things I did leave my house for, I can still leave my house for nowadays. The only major difference is zoom and while I will admit my life hasn’t been affected by this pandemic, there is one thing that came from all this that is really unfortunate. That thing is the fact that I still cannot pass Math1275Co. 

I mentioned this in a previous blog post, I believe I’ve failed Math1275Co around 4 times. I have reasonable excuses by the way. The first time I failed, it was my very first time taking the class, with that being said I had no idea what to expect and when the hard part of the class kicked in I was completely caught off guard. The second time I took the class I made the mistake of not having a tutor like I did the first time I took the class and that resulted in me failing again. The third time was the time I was most prepared, I went into the class like I knew exactly what the professor’s words would be. On top of that, I made sure I had a tutor so I got the extra help I lacked the previous semester. I was doing so well, every test I passed, I breezed through all the homework, and every new topic I understood immediately. But with just my luck that was the beginning to the 2020 Spring semester. The semester where everything started.

When the lockdown was announced I wasn’t worried at first, in fact I was relieved, no more waking up early and getting dressed every day. However, about 3 weeks into the zoom courses and I realized that this course wasn’t as easy as it used to be. I found myself being more confused than the other 2 semesters. Eventually, I had to drop the class to avoid the F grade and it was disappointing. Imagine failing a class twice and making the decision to drop it for a third time. Sounds bad right, but not as bad as dropping it for a fourth time because zoom classes are still a thing the following semester. All my other classes went great, it’s just that math is different. You need a more personal approach when you don’t understand. 

Aside from me failing math over and over, the pandemic hasn’t been that bad for me. As I said before, I never left my house in the first place so the idea of social distancing wasn’t as hard on me. I didn’t struggle to get my first security job, aside from big gatherings, I don’t really see things that I used to be able to do that I can’t do now. In a way, life never changed for me. If I had to say the worst things about the pandemic, I would say the risk of it affecting my family is always going to be scary and the idea that I could possibly be getting lazier is not comforting at all. But then again, compared to others, these are very minor concerns and that’s why I’m grateful and consider myself lucky.

Before the pandemic everything seemed to be going real normal. But then I’m February there was this news saying that someone got COVID 19 in China. In my head I’m like that’s way too far from us so I didn’t even pay it no mind. But everyday I would watch the news the locations of where people were getting COVID was getting closer to me so I was getting scared. When it finally hit New York it wasn’t all that bad. I was still commuting to school and then to work like I normally do. Things were still open. Every day the news would say something new. For example people had to start buying and wearing masks I didn’t wear it first because I felt I would look weird with it on so I didn’t buy one or put one on. A bunch of people didn’t put one on. One day early in the morning I was watching the news and they were saying that we would be going on lockdown and that we would have to stack up on me and supplies in order to stay safe because we were not allowed outside unless we were essential workers. Me and my family went to the supermarket and tried to grab hand sanitizer, Clorox and etc, but they were all ran out. All supermarkets were empty they barely had anything we were lucky to find some supplies before the lockdown.  Then we finally shut down.
During the pandemic it was very difficult for teachers to figure out how are they going to switch to remote and
continue teaching us. It took a while for them to switch because they had to download different apps and test them out to see which one works best. Most teachers picked zoom and most picked collaborate ultra on blackboard. For the submitting work was also difficult because teachers also had to test out which one best works and gives no problems. For work we had to switch to remote also we used Google meets for our meetings and sometimes zoom. Working from home was stressful for me because I felt that at home i did more than I would usually do. Here and there I would step outside keep a 6ft distance and wear a mask. I feel the pandemic was also a benefit to many people because I barely can hang with my family because we was always working and then we come home go straight to bed. So the pandemic gave me and family the opportunity to hang out more and spend more time with each other. We would watch movies, play games and etc. My father had got COVID and I think I may have gotten it but I didn’t get any symptoms so that was weird to me. Neither did my dad we was acting normal and everything. But COVID has been the worse disease to ever come and I hope one day we can throw away all of our masks and go back to normal.

 

1) How am I feeling right now?  (in the context of 1 year after the beginning of the pandemic).  I am feeling good, at least today =). Well, I do not always feel good, I have to tune myself every day  to be in a “feel good mood”. Somedays it is not possible to be good because it almost feels like the bad vibes accumulated through the prior days need to be liberated. Well, one day of feeling down after several “feel good” days seems fine/normal.

2) intentionally call to mind something “negative”. After recalling the negative event of me crying when I got mocked by the people who I thought liked me. It makes me sad in general, because when mockery happens there is usually more than one victim. I mean, these annoyers make fun of people as a way of living, so I wonder how many other victims were there that maybe did not overcome the trauma of being insulted/laughed at like I did. Considering that we all are interconnected because we are part of this world. It scares me to think of the consequences that intimidation and ill jokes have in the mental state of people who live among me, in this city. Buttomline, no problem, no feeling is isolated, because you never know where the feeling will take you to or what things you may indirectly affect OR directly cause for acting under the influence of such feelings.

At the beginning of the lockdown (March 2020) I felt so sad, depressed, and anxious. Through the months I adapted like many of other humans. It actually scares me how “quick” we humans adapt, because that means for example that if an autocrat would order something out of the ordinary because of health reasons. It seems like most people will just ran to hide in their homes without even analyzing the consequences of the actions. BTW, I am not an anti covid-19 nor an anti-mask. However, through the years it still surprises me how quick people accept both false & true information.  I guess ignorance is a bliss after all, that allows you to be happy at home disregarding what is going on outside. Racism is a good example of this, most people are just happy to be home regardless that racism still a problem outside.

       Last year was nothing short of chaos bundled with work, my health,  school, moving, and the adoption of my two kittens. I had no expectation on  how life would be after the announcement of the pandemic. Everyday life became a strain and routines where either enhanced or diminished. I was one of the lucky few in so many works that was able to keep my job and maintain my school work to a certain extent. Like many in my family I also believe in this is far from over as viruses evolve and the vaccinations will do little to nothing as protection. The act of purchasing hand soap was painful. It really makes you look back at what you had to do for yourself and household. How did I manage to keep it together?

   I think my job was the most difficult part of my experience last year. I am considered an essential worker and had to travel in person. Since the start of the pandemic my hours have changed in order to meet the shutdown times of MTA  because I work overnight. While I have been stationed as a Fire and Life Safety Director in the same building for almost two and a half years now my main company changed twice. Once at the beginning of 2020 as all security business is similar to a monopoly when it comes to clients choosing services. The client or building you are in can choose to keep you and go with another company without notice. This is what happened to me , of course it was my choice to sign on with this new company and forfeit the raise I was about to receive. At the time I thought it was worth it until mid last year the security company itself was bought out by a larger company. That affected the coverage availability and putting more responsibilities on the team that works with me. We felt abandoned during the rest of the year only receiving letters stating we were essential with no work ID’s. That caused a few problems getting through NYPD barricades. This year I find out we are not getting raises because of the loss of business. Through the pandemic and riots that directly affected my building ,coming to work became punishment rather than necessary to survive.

 

    My doctors where of course increasingly harder to get to during last year. Every three months I am suppose to go in for trigger point injections for my nerve condition. Needless to say I missed most of last year because of short staffing, tele meds also known as video visits, and supply falling short of demand. My pharmacy also had trouble keeping my current medications in stock so I started taking less to conserve. I am glad I did because their delivery company failed to provide for three months causing an outrage in the area. When things picked back up towards the end of the year I was told of three more diagnosis including my autoimmune disease. That alone made me dismiss the pandemic as I felt a void of existing wondering if every year they would tell me something new so covid had no mental impact on me health wise after that.

School transitioning to online was nothing new for me because I’ve done online classes before or so I thought it wouldn’t affect me. I do not believe most of the professors I had last year practiced online instruction. Assignments were posted late, timed test did not give efficient time for typed answers considering most of us had Ipads at the time, and language barriers became insanely difficult. I have no clue how I maintained my GPA much less was accepted into my second honors society. 

Bentley

NiKlaus

Moving was easy because the roads where empty and it seemed like the right time to get a kitten towards August. Bentley was my first adoptee as I like to call him sometimes. He was two months when I went in person to pick him up. I had no idea how the Vets were operating until he sneezed blood the day after being home. Thousands of dollars later and having to stand in all kinds of elements Bentley is a healthy happy little boy. It was difficult standing under store fronts to shelter myself from rain, snow, and sleet. In December I adopted NiKlaus because Bentley would cry every time stray cats would come visit our window. After another vast amount of money and as recent as this month we are still working on Niklaus’ health. It is infuriating how the standard of animal rescues have dropped and to consider which ever licensed vet neutered them was inadequate. Why snip a sick animal was my way of thinking. 

  My metal exhaustion is held at bay because of Bentley and NiKlaus. I needed them as much as they needed me. Providing them a safe space ultimately provided me with comfort and that unconditional love only a pet owner would understand. It got me through my job’s obstacles,  school being online and finally getting a computer, and my health. Last year will be one for a scrap book and like many other pandemics , will leave it’s scar on the way we function as a society.

 

                  

Ever since covid was declared a pandemic by the World Health Organization last March, life hasn’t been the same for anyone. I know when I first heard the news I was excited for the  switch from traveling to school four days a week to just attending class from my laptop at home. I didn’t really understand the seriousness of the pandemic for the first few days. The week everything shut down also happened to be the same week as my dad’s birthday, and it was at that point when it hit me that life wouldn’t go back to how it was for a while. My stepmom, siblings, and I had planned to go to the Kalahari Waterpark that week, but I quickly found myself unable to go to my dad’s and I no longer visited any other family members, friends, or did any outdoor activities. During the first few months I was a complete homebody and went out only when necessary. This is something I still do til this day, but I ‘ve since included having regular walks so I can at least see other people outside and feel some sort of normalcy. 

What has helped me cope the most during this difficult time is just always staying in touch with my loved ones. There were and still are many times where it’s hard to stay positive during a time like this, especially when you hear everything that is happening on the news. I don’t think anyone has fully adjusted to how we’re living right now, but the app Dare has helped me whenever I felt my lowest. The times I feel anxious about things or stressed or I get too overwhelmed, I just listen to one of the recordings and can instantly feel my mind at ease. This app also allows you to journal and track your mood daily. 

A few other habits I’ve picked up during this past year are working out from home, baking, cooking, having movie nights, and just finding time to read. I’ve been using this time to strengthen my relationship with my family as well as the relationship with myself. We do things like watching shows or movies every weekend, or we play board games. We also try to order out at least once or twice a week in order to support the small restaurants around our neighborhood. I always make sure to check up on the people I don’t get to see anymore and I’ve been a lot more on top of my school work since it can be easier to get distracted at home. Overall this pandemic has opened my eyes to the many things that are happening in this country and around the world, and it has forced me to face the reality that certain things are out of my control. You can’t possibly prepare for everything. The only thing we can all do now is take care of ourselves as best as we can, and try to push forward in hopes that things will get back to normal soon. 

This year has taught me a-lot. Not only has everything changed. But it has turned to a way in which can be unbelievable. It is crazy to think about professional sports was shut down In a matter of days. The NBA suspended its season after a player tested positive. The NFL and MLB season did not start yet so they already had a plan of what to do. Fans were not able to come to the arena to watch them play. The NBA all star game was in Georgia and the commissioner made it clear that it will be a Tv event only. Encouraging all fans to watch on tv and refrain from throwing parties or even travel to Atlanta. Only recently they have started letting fans back into he arena and only by a limited capacity. Everyone needs to be wearing masks everywhere they go. Also recently they came out with a vaccine and is encouraging everyone to take it.

This year has taught me a-lot. This virus proves that nothing is permanent. What is important is your family, and your friends. Everything is temporary, from school to work. Enjoying your life is sometimes the best thing you can do because in the matter of a blink of an eye everything can be over in a flash. It the simplest things that can effect you the most. From going to work, getting dressed to hop in the car/train on your way to work which eventually you will see your coworkers to turning on the computer and going on a Zoom call. From meeting my professors in person, sitting down in your chair and reaching down to open your bag to taking out your books to copying down notes, you are switched to turning on your computer and logging onto a zoom call which I will see my professors through.

During the school semester, I would only need to go on the computer to do a research assignment or project or simply h.w. Now it is switched to every day logging on to zoom for everything. If I am the first to admit, I never thought I would take an online class in college, but now that the times have changed, it not really an option. It is the only way. In my opinion, online school is much harder than in class learning. The new thing is zoom call. Advertised everywhere. You watch tv and see shows where the actors are wearing masks. It is the new reality .

When it comes to my life right now, there is not too many differences from before the global pandemic of the coronavirus existed. But I definitely wish that I could go back in time and do things differently. To compare living in New York and in Trinidad, I would say that the people who I miss the most are my family and friends in Trinidad because they are going through it badly when it comes to the economy and government, when they have not experienced the thousands of cases and deaths like we have. These people include my grandfather, aunts, uncles and cousins, as well as friends because I have spent most of my life there with them.

I would say that I think the pandemic has not have much positive impacts on your mental health because it has me thinking to really change my life for the better. Therefore, the negative impacts on my health would be stressing over school, work, and my home responsibilities. It has also had me thinking negatively about my life in trying to figure out if it is going to get back to normal and be successful in the future. Before the pandemic, things that I never realized I was grateful for was being able to go to school and going out to have fun without masks and sanitizing frequently. My grandparents and mother use to say that outside is not running away and there is plenty of time to party and travel when you finish school. But now we all wonder if things are ever going to get back to normal again.

I would say that after the pandemic, hopefully that is very soon, my behavior would not change too much, but I can definitely say that my mindset will. Due to the pandemic, I would say that what I learnt about myself is to really watch certain situations differently when it comes to money, emotions, relationships with others, etc. My greatest fears and anxieties at the moment would be to not get bite in the back for things I have done to help others and try new things to better myself. Recently, I have been going through a lot that seems to have been going that way. But I really hope that it does not get to the point where I would want to give up on life. Some ways that I think would help me to manage my anxiety can be to do some mediations like what we did in class, as well as talk to my family and friends. When it comes to social media, I think I have been using it a lot more lately since the start of the pandemic because we were all mostly insolating ourselves from the world outside. I could not help but look at it each day for a few hours wondering who, what, where, when, why and how things were going for my family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers.

I have tried to start some self-care techniques when it comes to facial products, my daily diet and exercising routines, but unfortunately, I have not been doing so well. When it comes to the pandemic, I have understood some things about it when I watch news, reading up on articles and scroll down my social media accounts. There is this specific game that I recently played for an assignment for one of my current classes, known as ARTH 2101ID Healing the Body: The Visual Culture of Medicine Interdisciplinary. For this assignment, the game I played is call “Plague.” I found it be very intriguing in the way the game was designed. I found it be fun in creating and spreading a bacterium all over the world. Plus, I also found it to be very creepy and distributing like a horror movie because I heard laughter and singing of little children. I would definitely play it again some time, as well as recommend it others as an educational and entertaining game to test one’s mind.

In my personal opinion and not to get too political, I think the government has not handled Covid-19 well, especially the previous president of the United States of America. I say this because when it was first introduced as something major and possibly happening in China, he should have taken some guidelines into placed to avoid the thousands of cases and deaths that happened over the last year. When it comes to my family and friends back in Trinidad, I would say that one of my female friends from high school have struggled the most during this time. I can not say exactly what went on in her life here because it is confidential, and I have been helping her to the point where I feel like it has taken a big toll on me. I think Covid-19 will affect my life going forward in a mutually good and bad way from the decisions that I made in the past, but I can definitely say that I will be continuing to stay positive and release all the negative energy coming my way.

1 year ago is when the whole world stopped. I didn’t know it at the time, most people didn’t, but a year later, that is the best description of what happened. March 11, 2020, was the day CUNY schools were closed and Covid 19 was officially declared a pandemic. I remember so vividly speaking to my friend in the 6th-floor lounge area at City Tech, both of us so excited that classes were canceled. Honestly, it was a rough semester for me so I understand my reaction, but little did we know what was in store from there. I went to my last class for the day and ran home in excitement, finally some time to relax. The next day I woke up, what would I do with my new free time? Maybe I should get a gym membership? Maybe I should get a job? Wait I can’t do that, there’s a virus going around. I shrugged this will all be over in a month or two anyway, let me just relax. The cases just kept increasing, listening and reading about what Italy, in particular, was going through, it was devastating. It was all anyone could talk about. Any conversation that was had, was about the virus. This virus, that was supposed to be gone in a month or two. Everyone quickly realized that was not going to be the case. NYC cases drastically increased day by day week by week even though lockdown, NYC became a hotspot. It was surreal. I remember the heat from the spring brought issues. Everyone was filled with cabin fever.

 

 

 I specifically remember the first warm day of the spring seeing this picture on my timeline. How could people be so selfish? NYC was struggling terribly, thousands dying, and here people are congregating because of “cabin fever”. What really left a mark on me was the stories of medical workers. The horror they experienced, the exhaustion, I really couldn’t fathom this is what the world turned into. I remember hearing about a story of NYC funeral home that ran out of space and started stashing deceased bodies in a unrefrigerated U-Haul truck. I find it unbelievable how the pandemic lead to people doing unspeakable things. And to believe there was naysayers. I remember seeing on my social media comments such as “why is everyone taking this so serious” “ masks are so annoying and unnecessary” “this whole pandemic is fake”. As if the million of deaths meant nothing, and it was just a tale. So not only was the stresses and heartbreak of the pandemic impacting me, so was the stresses and heart break. Before the start of the Pandemic the killing of Ahmaud Arbery had already taken place, another black man who lost his life simply for his skin color. But the case of George Floyd added more fuel to the fire of injustice, enough was enough. Tons of protest, social media flooded with #BlackLivesMatter, it was all overwhelming, but necessary. In the midst of a pandemic, when the world couldn’t be more divided, Black people, and other allies, came together and said no more (while still wearing their masks). As I reflect a year later, I realize that’s exactly what this past year was. A reflection of the poor disease control standards that our country had, beyond that, the poor standards for multiple countries. This past year reflected both an impressive amount of compassion but also a disgusting amount of the lack of. The support and communities I seen come together on social media was beautiful, it reminded me that there was still hope in the world. But the hate that was spewed, the racism, the prejudiced, reminded me of how far us as a society had to go. This past year showed me a reflection of myself. What actually matter to me, once the life I always knew was taken away. I learned that I had a lot to learn. I knew nothing and the pandemic has taught me so much on so many topics. I like to think I came out of this pandemic a better person, but I won’t know until we’re out of it. I tried to reflect the best I could in this post but honestly even with all the hope from the vaccine, I’m really over talking about the pandemic. I’m burnt out from reflecting, from talking, I want to just do, I want to live life. But we’re not there yet and I understand that. Hopefully with so many having access to get the vaccine this is the beginning of the end.