Lauren’s relationship with male figures is currently directed towards Dr. Neu. Dr. Neu is Lauren’s pediatric doctor who performs her procedure on her brain. ” He had long talks with me in the hospital cafeteria, telling me I would his patient for years to come” (94). From Dr.Neu talks with Lauren, she began to create this future with him. Lauren would go into details about there visits, thinking she was the only one in his life and they would fall in love with each other. Lauren created these thoughts about Dr.Neu before the day of her surgery where she realized Dr. Neu was not the only one in his life. After facing the reality of Dr. Neu’s family Lauren was shocked and began to release some of her emotions,causing her to cry.
Lauren had an imaginary mind that seeks the attention to be loved. She even thought of steeling a baby, to become a baby.
” I didn’t want the baby, but to be the baby” (85).I think Lauren wanting to become a baby is from wanting to be loved. Babies are young, fragile and get attention from any and everyone. Babies also need people to depend on in order to live and survive. Lauren wanted to be the baby, to get all the attention and love, she wanted and missed from her mother and father. Lauren father was absent for most of the story and her mother was there but was to overwhelming with emotions causing friction between Lauren and her mother.
As i read on i could see the true relasanchip between laura and her parents. Although laura i surffering from epilepsy she bounds to make her mother proud. Laura is suffering more and more each day but she takes all that pain just to prove her pain didnt bring her down but motivated her to keep fighting for what she wanted. I am really surprised although her mom does not pay that much of attention to her she trys to prove herself she is a strong daugther.
Laura’s dad to me is just a follower because everything lauras mother does he accepts it and follows her.To me his busy trying to impress his wife and pays less attention to laura. I hope laura hangs in there, she is a strong girl i know she can handle this much pain going on ibn her life. I just hope she doesnt give up and ends up dying from deppression.
Furthermore we learn more about the sickness, Epilepsy. Lauren continues to want more attention from her mother. She just want to impress her mother and make her proud even tho she suffering from this sickness. ” Spin, she would shout and i did it. “Leap now,” she shout, ” with your toe turned out,” and I did it, even when my lungs burned and my lips lost all their moisture” (28). Lauren even going through a lot of pain and falling down in the floor hard she still kept going because she she felt the more she got hurt the better she was. She wants to prove her mom that she is capable of doing whatever she tells her. I feel that Lauren is trying to get her mom to love her more than what her mother shows her and wants all the attention from her mom now that she is going through more seizures.
I see her that mom is still taking control of certain situations and her dad is just going along with what she says. Lauren mom is a strong and dominant person in this family and she wants to do just what she thinks is right. When the doctor told the mother about Lauren attending the school in Kansas the mother is not too happy about it and doesn’t really want to send her. The medication Lauren has to take its gonna increase and the mother doesn’t want to increase it due to fact that Lauren gets rash. The father takes no control in decisions that he thinks are better for Lauren, he just goes along with whatever the mother think is right and makes her happy.
This section had several incidents, demonstrating the relationship between Laura and her mother. Laura feels as if to get satisfaction against her mother.Yet, without thinking of the consequences of her mothers feelings or reactions. Laura’s mother felt hurt and betrayed. I think from Laura’s young age she doesn’t realize that her mother’s actions are only overreacted from her loving her child, especially one in need of help. Laura also gives thanks in her recent years. A mothers love can only be viewed as loving if only appreciated by the child receiving the love. There are several sayings stating love will make you do crazy things.
Laura lack of feeling love made her illusion lifestyles that were only imagined by Laura.An example is when the officer made attention to Laura. Her lack of everyday relationship with her father, and her sickness created this image of a life outside of her parents household. I think if Laura had some friends besides her mother and doctors she would not have to crave for attention, while thinking of dramatic scenes of jumping into a six foot grave.
This part had me upset when after reading this section and going to the last page and finding out she made that whole scene up. I was like whoa, I guess this title of this book really explains Laura’s mind of thinking. But also the mother lies as well, so maybe her old habits of lying passed onto Laura. Laura and her mother’s relationship is very connected with all the confusion of emotions between the two. Its interesting learning about each other’s relationship and Laura.
Lauren starting to show interest to pretend to go through the treatments as a way to make her mother happy. Yeah sometimes the father is mentioned sometimes but it seems like Laura is most focused on getting her mother’s attention for various reasons mainly one uses her illness then Lauren starts admiring the talents her mother displays.“I want to talk about the auras.”(83) It still shows how much Lauren still thinks her illness is a gift. She does still think of it as another world that is opened through the seizures or as she says the “jasmine smell”.
“Soon after menstruation, the seizures worsened, which is sometimes the case with females, hormones egging on the brain, estrogen tweaking the system.” Well it seems as her hormones start to kick in, her condition worsen. I ink when she mentions things like her relationship with her mother will end is because now it would be harder to please her within a worsen state. I feel if Lauren loses the chance of getting better it will contribute to the overall relationship she has with her mother. I believe that is also why she look up to the doctor so much since there is still hope has treatment which can benefit her so it will deepen the bond.
There’s a huge contrast in how will power is manifested; it is the difference in how Anita has taught Lauren to will her epilepsy away and how Lauren has willed herself to fall perfectly when pushed by an anonymous person. Through the philosopher William James, a older Lauren introduces Will A and Will B. WIll A is the “work hard”(53) kind of will, while, Will B is based more on “willingness”(53). To me it appears as if this type of willpower is more so based on the phrase, “just do it”. Lauren describes Will B as being an active over “passive”(53) power, it’s an “active acceptance, a say yes”(53). The approach in how she starts to handle things by Will Power B, starts to show the differentiation in what she was taught from her mother to what she has now learned from this epileptic school.
Before experiencing Will B, Lauren seems to make a comparison and contrast between the nuns who work at the her school and her mother, Anita. She notes, “The nuns were proper…like my mother, but also tough and handy”(48); tough and handy are traits Lauren describes exclusively to the nuns. The characteristics, Lauren uses, were to describe how hardworking the nuns were in order to achieve something that needed to be done. Lauren states, “no electricians, no cleaning ladies”, it had to be done by yourself. In comparison to the nuns, Anita seemed to talk Will A in reference of holding your head up, but displayed no such thing; She just lied as on the many occasions we last took a look at. I can see why Lauren was starting to regard her mother as this “weak”(55) person. Here, Lauren was really working hard to achieve a better epileptic life, to come home and see Anita barely doing anything with her life besides smoking and drinking. We can see why Lauren comes to question her mother’s true nature; was Anita always like this?
This part of the story was actually more interesting. I began to understand more of the reason behind Lauren illness which is her Mother. As you read part two of this section you see that the narrator in the beginning shows a connection between her and the father. Even thought it was just a brief moment you can still sense that it meant a lot because she states “And i felt comfort come from a place where i had never even sought it, not from my mother, but from this man, who that morning made me breakfast.”(39) With the feeling of being strangers to one another she still was able to connect with him at least in that moment.
Another part that stuck out to me was when Lauren and her mother went to visit the Dr. Swan and she brought up that every child has stressors. Not fully understanding what might be the real problem behind her illness into later on. what was really stressing Lauren out or holding her back was her mother, which Lauren already knew. Lauren says “and even hundreds of miles away, it was her huge hand that held me up” (50) referring to her mother as “she” is the one who is holding her, and is unable to be free. then late on you see Lauren then breaking away which she states is betraying “I learned to buckle my knee and let myself loose,slipping southward, away from her, betraying her, yes i did it, all my muscles slack.” (52)
If it wasn’t for the narrator that tells the story of her life when she was young and the struggle of her illness, the protagonist of the story could be easily be Anita, her mother. Lauren build this story around her mother “My mother believe that will, not love, was what made the world go around, and I agree.” (27) This phrase clearly tells the influence of the Anita on her daughter Lauren. As it was mentioned in class there are parts on this novel that can be related to short stories read before like for example “Two kinds” by Amy Tan where the mother forces her daughter to learn to play piano, but she refuses her mother’s wishes. In this story the situation almost the same with the only difference that Lauren wants to make her mother happy ” “Spin,” she would shout, and I did it. The more It hurt, the better I was.” (28)
Lauren can recognize a seizure before it happens, she can also imagine things as she goes through the process of a seizure. “and the smell came, bad like a sewer when it’s open” “and the ski was falling on me as I sank below the surface of the pond and I saw the boy down there in the murk” A difficult task to believe whether her situation is real o just part of her imagination.
Her father is the only one who supports her and give her advice when she is feeling sad about her illness. There is a parable he uses to raise his daughter’s spirit. ” And the rabii, who was a wise men, shrugged and said , sickness is sickness. The sun is the sun, laughter is laughter and tears just tears. There is never a need to make more of God’s world than what it is.”(38) Interesting though, full of good advice and positive messages to make Lauren feel better after what happen at the funeral home.
In chapter 3 learning to fall, I didn’t know what to expect. The narrator speaks about her ice skating, and I then linked the two together. She speaks about how her epilepsy effected her skating and how she had to stop as it worsened. Her mom took her to the pond to practice. “Pivot and turn, my mother shouted, as I did, as I entered the thawing air, a memory suddenly came to me, a memory so clear and absolute it must have engraved in the back rooms of my brain for a long time, and I was finding it just now, perfect and whole. A memory that was moving slowly even while I spun fast, even while I felt my legs get big, get bloated, and my hands-huge now-filled with helium.” I thought this part was strange. Her mom knows that she can’t really skate anymore because of her sickness, yet she brings her to a pond of all places? Why didn’t her mother take her to a skating rink? It seems like her mom denies the fact that her daughter is sick like in the first part of the story where the narrator says she’s blind, and her mom says nonsense, you have eyes, so you can see. Right after that moment she can magically see again.
This section of the book Lauren the more I understand Laurens “Epilepsy” whether she has epilepsy or not in this section it clearly opens my eyes and the main cause it has to be Anita, Laurens mother. I’ve seen self-absorb people but Anita takes home the price. Anita is ignorant to everyone else’s feelings but her own, and to see Anita not be a mother that Lauren needs her to be, baffles me.
At first Laurens Episodes showed her attempt in getting her mothers attention, but the sad thing is that even the safety of Anitas own daughter doesn’t make her change her ways and reach out to Lauren. It took me a while to notice that Anitas interest in Laurens epilepsy was just for her benefit and of course as soon as she noticed she gained no benefit she lost interest and devoted her time to other useless hobbies she would never be good at.
Lauren and Anitas relationship is very confusing at times I mean clearly no mother should ever treat her child the way Anita does but then again before Lauren left to the school to learn how to fall she told her mom she loved her and it brought tears to her mothers eyes. Where does tears of joy or sadness that she too loves her. And Lauren when the cops arrested laurens mother and lauren didn’t say anything in defense of her mother. Ive never seen a relationship like this it something that needs further reading to understand.