Last Lie

The last part of Lying, Lauren finally broke down the paper for our better understanding. She juxtaposed her illness with that of the AA group of alcoholics. She does this by giving reasons has to how the two are the same and how her use of metaphor was really the large part of her book. Lauren I felt was born an attention seeker, someone who always wants to be seen and she was a victim of her own disease which she defined in the book has epilepsy. Not to be taken literal as she states over and over again but its a stand in for her real sickness being a loner and constant attention seeker.

throughout the whole book, Lauren rarely describes her personal characteristics but seem to pay major attention to the causes of epilepsy and and in depth analysis of the disease. I felt she did this because both epilepsy and her desire for attention falls hand in hand. It was ironic how it played out because epileptics crave alot of attention and because of pity they are usually receivers of all the attention and Lauren personally was not getting that. She had kept it all in and this was her way of saying how neglected she was and how she wanted to be noticed. This whole book at first read could be considered a book about a persons physical state but metaphoircal it is something much deeper as we see.

Whether or not the scenes in the book are real or not, matters little because thats not the purpose of the memoir. In fact I think Lauren has she has said many times found it convenient to lie about certain scenes but the results are the same. Fact of the matter is I feel this memoir is not a typical memoir. It has a message, not just a boring life story as regular memoirs.

Part trese

To me after her surgery, Lauren seemed a new person. New in a sense that she felt like a normal teenager at times which was a weird feeling due to her epilepsy. Here you have a sense that she is gaining a sense of confidence after the surgery although for a while she felt abnormal when not encountering a seizure. She kept herself busy by swimming and playing volleyball, activities that she was not used to.. Its kinda weird to have all these different scenes taking place but the way its taking place you could sense that she was not used to her new found lifestyle.

The fact that she even introduced a guy in this latter part also gives a different insight on how she goes about things before and after her surgery. Before there was no sign of a male figure and her orgasms occur as a result of typing up a couple of letters when at school. When she does introduce a male, it turns out to be an extremely older guy named Christopher who for one described Lauren as “wise beyond your years” (137) and that seemed to trigger his hormones. In other people’s eye’s Lauren to me is one of those persons that are unaware at times of their surrounding or activity but nonetheless a very intelligent person. This transition from being dependent to independent is an interesting one but to see how it ends even more.

Lying

In this section we actually understand to a greater length what the author is trying to tell us in this story. As a result of her illness, she practices how to fall without hurting herself and also the right approach in dealing with society when diseased. I think we find it here that although she was skeptical about her condition, she still found ways in dealing with the outside world and she explains that throughout this section. “There was a world out there, and I didn’t have to be a part of it, and slowly I saw the privilege of this” (74). This quote to me summed up the whole purpose of this section and that was to find acceptance not only from others but from herself. Although she was accepting of who she was, a surgery was still a possibility for her in order to treat the epilepsies.

She went to numerous hospitals and talked with a doctor about the possible halting of the seizures but that would require him to section her corpus callosum which I defined as basically splitting her brain in two. She went on to document the doctors result as saying that her treatment does not have no effect of behavior and personality towards others. This was really interesting as she found it to blame all her lying, stealing and inappropriate behavior as a result of the seizures. But this turned out not to be the case as she concluded. In fact this was her natural personality so is it still acceptable is a question that I wanna see answered and I think I will. Is this book about her real state or is all this a lie?

Lyingg

The first page read two words, “I exaggerate”, That along with the title had me optimistic about what this book was gonna be about. The information in that little section gave me a lot of knowledge about the disease epilepsy. The way the author described it you could actually sense it all happening and you could feel what epilepsy feels like. But she twisted it up as to seem that it was all in her head and none of it was really happening. It was actually interesting to see because you would wonder if this has something with the title Lying.¬†She embraced her epilepsy at one point and used that to her personal advantage at one point to seek ¬†approval from others and to also steal. At one point she also stated that she had developed¬†Munchausen’s Syndrome which are basically lies lie makers make up with a hint of the truth.

Its really interesting because it has me anticipating what the author is trying to say. So far there have been a lot of turning points and its really hard to identify a topic the author focuses on. The book could head into the direction of what epilepsy has done to her, the effects of epilepsy or something of that sort but whatever it is the author made a good start in developing this book with what seems to be a lie. I think ill like this book way better than Lolita and I cant wait to finish already.

The real Humbert

In this last section of Lolita I felt that we saw the real Humbert Humbert and the final mile of a journey for him. His mission for revenge took in full flight after the removal of Lolita from his presence and maybe even the maniac in him showed after that. Even till the end I couldn’t find¬†any viable reasons for his behavior towards little nymphets and even conceded himself after he read the poem he wrote for Lolita. “By psychoanalyzing this poem, I noticed it is really a maniac’s masterpiece” (257), maybe he is after all. Not in love but crazy for love. Maybe all those things were deprived of him by older women, whatever it is really turned this guy into a creep.

He was all so confident in¬† his love for Lolita earlier that he even believed it himself in ways that plagued his mind severely. I dont think Humbert is a bad person and sure he may have done a bad thing in killing somebody but in his defense, he was helpless in his decision because he had no support around him. Lolita was his only main insparation and he lived for Lolita to the point it cost him the rest of his life. He surrended to that but not before with all the passion and love in his heart, attempt to¬†school Lolita. He basically gave her a list of things to take heed to as a young adoloscent to ensure her happiness and to make sure she’s treated right(308-309).¬†That’s what his life is all about, making sure Lolita is always happy and did everything in his power to ensure that even taking steps to leaving her alone.

Lolita reading response her realization

From the start of their journey all over the country, you could just sense from Humberts tone in his description of Lolita early things were about to take a twist. A few time he would describe her as cruel without amusement as if he meant it. He even described his lost of desire for her by saying “I had little desire for her as a manatee.” (p. 167). I feel that Humbert sees Lolita as a vulnerability the more she grows and rightly so as she is now growing out of her nymphet phase. He believes that if Lolita attends Beardsley School for girls, she’s right under his eyes and even more so. He was more overprotective than average and you wonder why. ¬†He even thought about locking “Lolita up somewhere …..” (p. 176). I never really seen this type of aggression from Humbert before and you just wonder if hes scared to lose Lolita or he’s just really sick.

After talking to the school principal, He threw away the possibility of Loita “enjoying the company of boys, organizations and even visiting other people’s homes.” (p. 195). I think its an awkward position for Lolita as she is not a little girl anymore and Humbert’s arguments for his actions are lacking stability as she grows. His prowess to lure Lolita was fading and Humbert knew that. Not only that, but it felt like Lolita was gaining knowledge as to what was really going on. She even remembered the name of the hotel that she and Humbert stayed at The Enchanted Hunters as the “hotel where you raped me.” (p. 202). ¬†Her responses are getting more and more mature and you can see as to the cause of Humberts panic. It just made you think for a minute like how much does Lolita really know and understand about the situation.

I knew for sure something was up when she denied contact with another man when Humbert visibly saw them. In my eyes that was a sign of things to come. I felt Lolita became of age and realized the pedophilia of Humbert. I guess it was inevitable as Lolita was never going to be a nymphet forever but not in Humbert’s eyes. The fact that Lolita had left did not surprise me at all. Her constant rejecting of Humbert after a while said a lot and to me parity had been restored.

Lolitas attraction

I’m probably not the only one that noticed, but Lolita is kinda ploying Humbert in a way that is weird and dirty. All this time she’s the victim in some eyes but as it shows she likes the smutty behavior. Even to some extent she mocks him with the title as dad but he unwillingly accepts that title as he stated that “he is taking no approach to be the legal guardian….” (p. 105). Lolita to me is no saint. Sure all of this is nasty but if they call it love who are we to judge. She shows her true colors when they were on their way to a hotel. After Humbert was telling Lolita how much he missed her, she replied by saying “how unfaithful she was to him and she didn’t believe he missed her because he haven’t kissed her” (p. 112). To be honest when I saw that I got completely turned off from Lolita. She wasn’t a little nymphet but “a juvenile delickwent” (p. 113) as she spelled it. After all this, Lolita is really proving my point in the fact that she is not a victim and Humbert although sick and does what a normal person wouldn’t do has a claim that he was indeed forced upon. In the scene where they, in his words “became lover” (p. 132) he sneaked in Lolitas room and got what he wanted without seducing her. Do the math. He said it himself, “It was she who seduced me” (p. 132). To me that is just completely sick and inevitable in my eyes. I always knew that she had no problem with his approach towards her and just sums up their crazy love for each other.

Humbert Not Sane

The fantasy that takes place in Humbert Humbert’s head is pretty sick to say the least. I mean the way he fantasized about Dolores made it clearer that he was not cured after leaving the sanitarium. This lead me to just try and profile how he views himself among others. I really feel he’s clever in his gesture towards Mrs. Haze because his only goal is to get to Dolores who he calls “Lo.” “Why does the way she walks–a child, mind you, a mere child!–excite me so abominably?” After he says that he sternly asked us the jurors to analyze why that is so. It was very hard to tell at first but in the end I came up with a little theory of my own. I felt that Humbert Humbert is lacking confidence and feels that he needs to start literally with the toddlers to feel like a person again. I kinda put it in his mind the younger the berry the sweeter the juice which is sick but a catchy theory moreless.

Even more so to try an prove my theory, he’s constantly wrapped up in Dolores and would do anything to be with her at the dispense of her mother Charlotte. He even said it himself that “The natural solution was to destroy Ms. Humbert.” I never really understood why that was necessary in his mind although Mrs. Humbert never really like the idea of Dolores liking Humbert and evidently Humbert Humbert is disgusted by the way she treats Delores. They had already had intercourse and that to me was devastating but the fact that he want to get rid of the child’s life giver to be with her is on a whole other level. When Charlotte ¬†sent Dolores away to camp I thought that was the tipping point for her death but in the end they got married.

Surprise he’s married to a normal sized woman for once but who is to say he’s in love with her? I really find that a hard prove based on the fact that prior he had no attraction towards her but towards her daughter and that he tried to kill her but couldn’t get himself to do it. I really felt a sigh of relief when he decided not to kill her but suddenly his plan started falling into place. She was hit by a car having found the disgusting love letters written by him not towards her evidently. I felt really sad because although he didn’t directly do it he did manage to gain some time with Lolita or does he ?

Lolita

The story started out interesting enough for me to continue reading but it was difficult for me to understand it. When i did try to figure it out I picked out pieces of the story that stood out to me and try to piece them together. His listing of several females names was one as seen on (page 9.) The fact that he said he was a murderer and mentions of jury at first led me to think that it was a murder case that he was describing. But while reading there were mentions of Humbert ¬†fornicating with these females made it even more confusing to me. on page 12 he described what I think is a moment of bliss with Annabel ¬†who subsequently dies but not at the hands of Humbert but died of typhus that made it even harder for me to find a real concept of where the book is going. ¬†Also the fact that his mind was full of so much lust after just describing yourself as a murderer made me question if Humbert was ill or it was just the his imagination going wild. On page 18 though it described how psychoanalysts wooed him with pseudoliberations of pseudolibidoes. I thought of this as a fake type of freedom within himself as a result of all those thoughts he was having. It was all over the place and really hard for me to interpret but reading through it thats how I interpreted it. Hopefully as i get into the book I’ll get a clearer understanding of what’s going on cause it seems an interesting read.

The Yellow Wallpaper Great Story !

This was one of the best reads for me so far. From the first page I was drawn into the story off her optimism about a house and that lead me to think that there was another headline in the story just based on the title alone; The Yellow Wallpaper. As I read the story, there were so many different points that I couldn’t quite figure out the main focus of the story and that was what intrigued me. Until I reached pg 5 when John, said to the narrator “No one but myself can help me out of it, that I must use my will and self-control and not let any silly fancies run away with me.” I thought about it and said to myself she had to be crazy simply because she sees animation on a wallpaper and as a result her husband and sister-in-law Jennie are ridiculing her because they have no idea what she’s talking about. This type of tone just shows John’s concern about his wife and that nothing of a serious illness was mentioned drew me to that conclusion.

That seemed to followed with me until the end where it sunk in that she was indeed mentally insane. “I’ve got out at last” she said, “in spite of you and Jane. And I’ve pulled off most of the paper, so you can’t put me back!” This to me summed it all up that this story was based on a mentally ill patient and her stay in a nursery home and her imagination of a yellow wallpaper. The fact that the focus was pointed out at the end but still had enough imagination and details to keep me enticed made this such a great story and one that I enjoyed very much.