finally it ends, i feel like Lauren finally found a place. in the beginning it was a bit confusing to me. i was drawn to the psychologist’s statement of Lauren hallucinating everything that happened to her. he made it sound so realistic that i gave into it. but i m still a bit confused whether the psychologist was right or Lauren was right since she did say she exaggerates.”we should probably talk, he said, about why you need to tell this story, what it really means…. i think i said, i am going to have a seizure right now. what happens to you, he said, when you have seizures? he look concerned….ptyalism is never a symptom that accompanies seizures”(pg176). this is the only part that got me. i couldn’t decide whether this person is pretty much telling the truth or he is trying to scare Lauren and trying to be a pervert as Lauren stated.
even though it seems Lauren finally got to bring out how she feels and that helps her grow even more. especially due to the AA group and her sponsor Amy. now AA group was pretty much for those that were addicted to Alcoholism. Lauren uses this in a way to her advantage, she pretty much lies but i feel at some point this was the beginning of where she found herself and begins to change.”Amy said, it’s okay to cry. you have to feel your feelings. i can’t stand my feelings, i blurted out….my words surprised me….because what i had said was true”(185). the fact she is able to open up to someone and find so many similarities to her childhood and to her mom, kind of give a sense that she is home, or that how i see it.
It seem to me that Lauren proclaims that she became better after the surgery was successful. but she still seem to me that she is finding ways to make you feel that she is still not normal which is true medically and physically. the part about her auras which she is greatly fond of seem a little scary and very weird.”The auras were dreams during the day, and i discovered i could be talking to a person like, “Hello, how are you”, and be staring at this star too. the star was like a speck of salt in my eye but it didn’t hurt”(pg 110). I feel it seem as she is beginning to hallucinate more. so the operation i think has made her become worse than actually relieving her from her problems.
what made it seem more weird was that her auras became part of her sexual self. so gradually she is discovering some aspects about her but i don’t know if she is exaggerating it even more.”One day,when I was typing a story for an English class, I had an aura that ended in an orgasm”(pg111). i don’t know but that is something very embarrassing. so i feel like the surgery made it worse for her than making her feel better. it’s really hard to believe though that if this actually occurred to her because you can still question her credibility from the beginning chapter where she states in chapter 1 “I exaggerate”.
I was a bit confused at first because the way she described her mom I thought it was ironic. I mean at one point get mom was this strict character and here I m reading her as a person who support her in the things she want to do. “Before and at first even after my seizures stated, I skated at a pond. For years my mother had been buying me books about Champions… and when it came to ice, my mother thought I had potential”(pg.27). It does seem that she is giving the idea that get mother is nor as bad as she seem. But again is really hard to believe whether or not her words is telling the truth. One thing I believe she does love to skate. Now I also found that she kind of gives this scenario where skating is similar to how her life is. “You have to push your self first to go out in the cold. ..sharks and whales are waiting for you, and then to lasso against your beget judgement, when your whole self is longing just to nap”(pg.28). So I feel she is passionate towards that sport and how much suffering you have to go through to be good shows her suffering in a sense.
I was really surprised that this book was really about lying. I always believed that you should not judge a book by its cover but here it was the first time that I was right. Now judging from what I read so far, I couldn’t understand whether it was true or not. ” Everyone knows that alot of memoirs have made-up scenes it’s obvious. And everyone knows that half the time at least fictions contain literal autobiographical truths. So how do we decide what’s what and does it even matter?”. When I first read that quote it made me think whether this was true or just a story that was meant for a cover up. In some easy or kind of reminds me of the boy who cried Wolf. I feel it follows the same concept.
all i got to say is wow. i was for sure Humbert Humbert was going to become a psychotic guy and kill Lolita , like any other movies you see in TV. To let Lolita go and give her the money i feel took a lot of strength and courage to do it. because he was searching for her ever since he felt Lolita was abducted. Now I kind of agreed in the past that Lolita was nothing to him except only someway to relieve his weird agendas with Lolita in a sexual manner. but now from the end of story , i was shocked. i couldn’t imagine Humbert Humbert to let go of Lolita after finding her and hearng her end of the story. but because of that i felt Humbert had truly did loved Lolita. not only because she was a nymphet. if that was the case he would be greatly disturbed by her pregnant body. His sacrifice for her was truly amazing. no one can do that unless they truly love someone.
The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me-not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that ,but merely as a novel experience- that since i had disregarded all laws of humanity, i might as well disregard the rules of traffic(pg 306).” To Humbert Humbert it feels as if Humbert was only living just for Lolita. so now it didn’t matter what he did anymore except that he once loved a girl name Lolita.
I feel as if Lolita is starting to form her own character. she is beginning to mature and that is scaring Humbert Humbert. The fact that she is starting to go against his commands and starting to do things he doesn’t want her to do shows she’s is escaping that nymphet stage. it seems though Lolita’s character is that of any other girl around her. since Humbert is so paranoid by the fact that Lolita may be having other sexual activities other than with Humbert, she start to hide things from Humbert. So according to the text the more Humbert tries to keep her away from these things and boys; the more Lolita start doing the opposite of what Humbert wants.
it comes to a point where Lolita is not the sweet and innocent girl Humbert used to know.”Queer! I who was jealous of every male we met-queer, how i misinterpreted the designations of doom. Perhaps i had been lulled by Lo’s modest behavior in winter, and anyway it would have been too foolish even for a lunatic to suppose another Humbert was avidly following Humbert and Humbert’s nymphet with Jovian fireworks, over the great and ugly plains(pg217).” it looks as if Humbert is becoming really possessive over Lolita. he feels to me that one day Lolita might just disappear and leave him for eternity.
I feel Humbert is starting to lose himself into his actions and his passion for Lolita. it came to a point where It feels as if a mad man is running around. it also looks like that Humbert became very possessive over Lolita , even to a point where he wanted to bring Lolita out of the camp. Back to the point, it seems as if Humbert Humbert doesn’t see anything in his life except being with Lolita. He takes his Possession so far that he murder Charlotte and he hides in such a way that you would never guess it was Humbert Humbert. he uses Charlotte feeling against her. see she didn’t know that Humbert Humbert was into Lolita. so as soon as she got hold of that secret it hit her like a tornado. she felt devasted and with that she was run over by a car.
“Finally, the third epistle was obviously addressed to me. I made out such items as “…. after a year of separation we may….” “…..oh, my dearest, oh my …” ” worse than if it had been a women you kept…” “… or, maybe, I shall die…”. Charlotte had a lot of feelings towards Humber Humbert according to me. its the very same feeling what made her feel this way when the truth got out. I feel that Humbert Humbert killed Charlotte emotionally which led to her death, because all she cared and wanted was Humbert.
Humbert Humbert becomes more sick and sick into describing his love for Lolita. in some parts of the book i felt a little disgusted because his point of view and my point of view of looking at those descriptions were different. it was hard to imagine that he can describe everything with such details it frighten me. Humbert was becoming more and more crazy for me. his ideas and thoughts took to another level. for someone who loves younger nymphets its understandable but to bring it to a point where its the only thing that interest him is scary.
if i was any other person and i had a daughter of my own i would not present it in front of a person like Humbert Humbert. i feel as he literally loses himself in the world of this illusion where he would be able to touch her and caress her like everything is normal. according to Humbert Humbert ” I was acutely aware of L.’s nearness and as I spoke I gestured in the merciful dark and took advantage of those invisible gestures of mine to touch her hand, her shoulder and a ballerina of wool and gauze which she played with and kept sticking into my lap; and finally when i had completely enmeshed my glowing darling in this weave of ethereal caresses, i dared stroke her bare leg along the gooseberry fuzz of her shin (pg 45)”. I couldn’t imagine that he would take advantage of the innocence of Lolita. To her I don’t think she really know what is going on and to Humbert its his golden chance to feel her. He s letting his other self loose (the one he kept chained. what i mean is his desire) and I think that is something that will get him into where he is now. the more he gets close to Lolita the more of his that side began to unfolds.
the narrator shows his strong emotions for Lolita by using Anabel. He start to feel how much love he has through Anabel. there is a little similarity between Anabel and Lolita. According to Humbert Humbert ” the other when you instantly evoke, with shut eyes, on the dark innerside of your eyelids, the objective, absolutely optical replica of a beloved face, a little ghost in natural colors (and this is how I see Lolita).” so in some point when he described Anabel , he begans to to see Lolita that same way. Humbert gains his feeling through his thoughts of Anabel. its the reason why he can see a replica of both of them. So in other words , Lolita was made through Anabel.
It was kind of ironic the fact the people of Omelas talk about how the city is and how their people are while they kept a dark secret hidden from the city itself. the narrator describe them as people who defies happiness but they look upon violence as something they enjoy. To me through out the whole story I got this cold feeling from how the narrator described the story. I couldn’t believe that the people of Omelas were going to be this way. “The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can’t lick ’em, join ’em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else.” I believe the people of Omelas looked at themselves as people who didn’t feel happiness as the same way we did. their knowledge was that pain and evil kept them interested and that they enjoyed doing this.
through out the story the narrator goes to specific details on explaining how they tortured the kid in that corner of a room. I feel that the author did a good job at it because i could vividly imagine it in my mind and the way the they kept the child from leaving the room and keeping there kind of made me remember the story of The Yellow Wallpaper. the child and the narrator of the The Yellow Wallpaper were both in the same situation. the only difference between them was one was cared to become that way while the other was punished through wickedness and evil to become the way he is now. i just wanted to add that because i thought that part of the story portrayed the child in The One Who Walk Away from Omelas.