Lying Part 4

I was completely shocked when i read these lines ““I’m sorry, but there is no Dr.Neu.” (178) i couldnt believe that Dr.neu might not be true but merely just a made up person , this part just made me shut the book down completely, i have absolutely no trust on lauren anymore on anything that she says. I feel that lauren was trying to come to terms with herself and trying to express her personality but im not really sure what she is trying to show because it makes her unreliable nothing she says is true and her personality its coming off to be very deceitful.

I understand sort of why Lauren decided to join the AA group and lie that she is an alcoholic, yeah i get it that she wants attention but i feel she truly looks for attention that she doesnt need and attention that would never truly make her feel better, i feel lauren wants someone to pity her. It took me a while to notice that i understand what lauren is feeling, she has abandonment issues and thats something i suffer from. Lauren needs constant love and affection she didnt receive from her parents, i went almost 10 years without my parents in my childhood. Lauren doesnt suffer fro m none of the diseases that she claims to have, and the AA group thing cleared almost all of the question i had about her, Lauren has a huge whole in her heart and until she gets this she will continue to get worst and seek ‘love’ in the worst places.

the afterwards was trying to close the novel in a way to help the reader understand the course the novel took. I dont know if the lying really sent out the message that lauren really wanted to get across, the metaphors left me with more question and confusion of what truly did happened to her, what was the true reality for lauren, what really happened. The author succeed in writing a beautiful novel but failed to get laurens message across properly i was left with more questions than answers.

LYING

Part three the convulsion stage can be summed up by saying that this is Lauren’s Mature state well beginning of maturity after Lauren’s surgery of course.

I don’t believe Lauren as much when she is talking to Dr.Neu about her Auras, as a professional he stated that “of a person who has more auras after a corpus callostomy, and I’ve also never heard of having auras without a seizure following.”(109) Knowing Lauren by now I feel she’s using her Auras as an excuse for the new feelings she’s now experience, and the changes going on in her body. She’s now 17 years old and those tingling feelings are her arousals, sexually. Its kind of odd that Lauren still wants to hold on to her innocence by referring to her vagina as “down there” and “you know where” even though when she was 15 in Acapulco on a vacation David the son of a family friend touched her “sexually” and she enjoyed it. But this part seems to me made up by Lauren just to make us feel that she’s not such a goody too shoes as she comes off to be.

It was cute, the whole Christopher Martin Phase, if that even is his real name because Lauren doesn’t really give it to us as fact but a mere play on words. Lauren’s sexual desires sparked with Christopher, just the mere sight of him gave her ‘tingling’ feelings all through her body. I don’t know if what Christopher did to Lauren in page 130 would be considered rape or just Lauren hesitating on something she truly wanted or just wanted to get over with. Her reaction to having sex with Christopher Lauren wouldn’t even let him near her which Is strange. yet she allowed herself to be in a relationship with a man that will never love her, that is only using her because he’s connected to her words. Lauren reminds me of Lolita in a way, seeking sexual satisfaction yet knowing that with the person they are with it can never be achieved because they are over reaching something that can never be obtained. I don’t know if Lauren loves Christopher but in fact loves the feeling he gives her a feeling she doesn’t yet understand and still calls them Auras. I don’t find it odd that Christopher left Lauren after he found out about her epilepsy. But its kind of sad that after all the things that Christopher and Lauren did together she in fact was left with just being one of many women in his life.

on a side note I love when the girl called Lauren ” My fathers slut!”(153) Had me in tears laughing!!

Lying Part Two

This section of the book Lauren the more I understand Laurens “Epilepsy” whether she has epilepsy or not in this section it clearly opens my eyes and the main cause it has to be Anita, Laurens mother. I’ve seen self-absorb people but Anita takes home the price. Anita is ignorant to everyone else’s feelings but her own, and to see Anita not be a mother that Lauren needs her to be, baffles me.

At first Laurens Episodes showed her attempt in getting her mothers attention, but the sad thing is that even the safety of Anitas own daughter doesn’t make her change her ways and reach out to Lauren. It took me a while to notice that Anitas interest in Laurens epilepsy was just for her benefit and of course as soon as she noticed she gained no benefit she lost interest and devoted her time to other useless hobbies she would never be good at.

Lauren and Anitas relationship is very confusing at times I mean clearly no mother should ever treat her child the way Anita does but then again before Lauren left to the school to learn how to fall she told her mom she loved her and it brought tears to her mothers eyes. Where does tears of joy or sadness that she too loves her. And Lauren when the cops arrested laurens mother and lauren didn’t say anything in defense of her mother. Ive never seen a relationship like this it something that needs further reading to understand.

Lying Part One

The first chapter of Lying kind of made the book less important to read, by saying “I Exaggerate”(3) It makes the narrator less reliable in what she is writing in the story. Whats to say that anything she says in the story is true. However, the introduction gave me a lot of interest for the book because it asked me to keep an open mind while reading and that is what i intend to do. We are made aware of her exaggeration and is kind of interesting how she doesn’t leave us to guess if anything she says is true or not but teases the reader by revealing that she exaggerates in the things that she says.

In chapter 2 we are told many things about her life, she has epilepsy, o so she believes she has epilepsy, she experiences many symptoms. I kind of find it annoying in a sense that now throughout the story i am going to think if anything the narrator says is true. The metaphor she used to describe her parents definitely show’s  her exaggeration describing her dad to be small like a freckle and her mom tall as a house. Its very interesting that she gave a specific smell an entire identity.

Its very obvious that Lauren’s mother gets her exaggeration and personality from her mother, her mother is a very free spirit and has a mind of her own, she has to have things go her way and it bothered me to see how she treats her daughter. Lauren scared telling her mother she can not see and Lauren’s mother speaking to her and not for one second getting alarmed at the fact she states she no longer can see its a huge sign that Anita(Lauren’s Mother) experiences many of Lauren’s lies or “exaggeration”

This book is an easier read than our previous book. Yet its frustrating in figuring out Lauren’s schemes.

The End, Pages 247-309 Lolita <3

I was surprised by the way the story ended. The story unraveled in such a way that it almost feels like there was no other way for the story to end. Watching Humbert plea to Lolita for her to return to him once again, to enter that car and drive off with him, to me it felt like that was Humbert last attempt to hold on to the little bit of sanity he had left.

After loosing her, Humbert was being betrayed by his own mind, and that’s when Rita played her roll into the story. Humbert allowed Rita to join him because she was pretty close to being just as messed up as he is, but what surprised me is that he didnt described her as repulsive as i thought he would other than stating “She was so kind, was Rita, such a good sport, that I daresay she would have given herself to any pathetic creature or fallacy and old broken tree or bereaved porcupine, out of sheer chumminess and compassion”.(258)

I disagree with Humbert when he states that “This book is about Lolita”(253) after reading the ending I would of chosen the title for this book to be ‘The Confessions of a White Widowed Male’. My reasons being because Humbert Does not portray Lolita as the love of his life but more like an infatuation between a man and a child. The poem in page 256 clarified my opinion and even more when Humbert himself analyses his poem and reflects in saying that it is a maniacs masterpiece(257)

Lolita to Humbert was indeed a masterpiece, the perfect child to allow him to express his inner monster, his most disturbing desire for little girls to do what he pleased. Humbert couldn’t comprehend why Lolita would ever want to leave his side, because he comforted himself to believe he gave her a good life, he gave her things so everything else didn’t matter, her emotions didn’t matter or what she was feeling with this whole situation.

Lolita’s letter showed me how liberal she really is, how she didn’t let what Humbert did keep her from continuing her life although she did feel the need to run away because she know Humbert would never let her go. The only reason Humbert didn’t fight for her was because Lolita was no longer his nymphet if she were to still be untouched and most of all not pregnant i feel this story would of had a different ending. “My american sweet immortal dead love, for she is dead”(280) The only thing that Humbert could do is kill the man that caused all of this because instead of realizing that it was Lolita herself who wanted to go.

Humbert killing Quilty, although a very sloppy attempt in committing murder was a coward move in my opinion. Quilty was a sick and dying man and from what i saw drifting in and out of consciousness as if he was on a high dose of medication. Humbert needed to put the blame on someone in order to make sense of things but couldn’t come to the conclusion that he had the fault in Lolita leaving his side, because he failed to notice that the years he spent traveling with Lolita not once did he give her a voice, Lolita was mute, we only know how he felt and not how Lolita was processing everything, he forgot the most important part of his little romance adventure, and that was Lolita, and that Lolita was a child. “And it struck me, as my automaton knees went up and down, that i simply did not know a thing about my darling’s mind….”(284)

 

I enjoyed this book very much. And as Lady of the Jury….my vote is , I find Humbert Humbert GUILTY !!!

Reading response #9 (143-247)

In this section we see HH spark of insanity, he is becoming more and more nervous and in a form sloppy with how he treats Lolita and the way he handles each situation that is presented to him. This section clearly shows that what he feels for Lolita isnt love, but he is just obsessed with the fact his nymphet fantasy was being carried out with Lolita and just the thought of it ending anytime soon frightens him to have him do anything to prevent it, ANYTHING!!

We first see HH take measures in preventing Lolita from leaving his side was in page 150 when he warns her of the dangers of telling the police of their little arrangement. This line utterly disgusted me “Don’t you think that under the circumstances Dolores Haze had better stick to her old man?” ..what joy it must of felt for him to say such a thing to Lolita  after finding out about her mothers death and reminding her that she is completely alone in this world and of course to her “luck” she gets stuck with a child molester as her only comfort.

HH starts to emphasize that Lolita is his little pet, aging mistress, his monkey, his captive “children under 12 free, Lo a young captive.”(157) “The reader may well imagine what I answered my pet..”(160) The most disturbing thing is the plans that HH had for Lolita, since he cannot control her aging and having her leave his precious nymphet stage he thought that why not have Lolita produce a child of his own blood that he can molest and have another nymphet all to himself ” I would have to get rid of somehow of a difficult adolescent who’s magic nymphage had evaporated—to the thought  that with patience and luck i might have her produce eventually a nymphet with my blood in her exquisite veins, a Lolita the second…” I mean i can’t prove more from this line how insane Humbert really is, only a monster would even have the thought of molesting his OWN child and then from his child bearing yet another child, a Lolita the third…its revolting to see Humbert process these ideas and the monstrosity of whats in store for Lolita.

A particular section that frighten me was the end section of chapter 17 in page 216 when Humbert is meditating while holding a caliber .32 and how he was glad he had i with him ready for instant service, during this part i see Humbert evolve to something else and even more when in the following page in 217 he referred to himself as “being a murderer with a sensational but incomplete and unorthodox memory…” i felt this as a foreshadow and feared for Lolita’s safety if she ever tried to run away from Humbert.

Giving Lolita a Voice

The scene in the story I picked is in section 27 pages 122-123. HH and Lolita are at the table eating and HH offers her some of his ‘vitamin x’ pills.

“Oh, just Purpills. Vitamin X. Makes one strong as an ox or an ax. Want to try one?” he said. Of course I will, if I want to keep up with him. I stretched out my hand and nodded vigorously for the pill. That pill, Vitamin X, soon I will be as strong as her–Charlotte, dear mother– how it must feel to loose to me, a simple little girl. I will be better than her for him, and I will no longer be a child to him or anyone’s child but just HIS. Once in the elevator i leaned against his broad shoulders and made my way to his chest where i could silently hear his heart beating for me–wouldn’t you like me to tell you?, “sleepy, huh?” said uncle tom, why would he say that i’m fine, just a little tired from it all. I didn’t realize how fast we got to the room, but I quickly sat down on the corner of the bed. I looked upon him, does he like his little girls pure and untouched? Will he still want me then, after I confess it all? “If I tell you—if i tell you, will you promise…[why cant i get this out? whats wrong with me?!] promise you wont make complaints?” He has to, or he looses me and I don’t think that is an option for him. Why do I even care he’s the one who’s interested. “Later, lo. Now go to bed. Ill leave you here, and you go to bed. Give you ten minutes.”—Well i guess not. Not if hes going to leave me here–“oh, I’ve been such a disgusting girl, Lemme tell you”  I watched him walk out the door and I could even hear his first steps as he went downstairs. I think I lost consciousness, and when I opened my eyes he still wasn’t back yet. I leaned up and the room was spinning but I didn’t seem to understand why, I laid backed, rested my head and dozed off.

Lolita Pages 97-142

UGH, EWW , AND Oh My GOD!! These were my reactions while reading this section up to page 142 ending part one of the book.

The main topic i want to discuss in this blog is why Humbert Humbert does NOT love Lolita but in fact he is  just infatuated with her. Loving someone means defeating every obstacle that separates two people from being together, is loving someone unconditionally and not fearing any changes or altercations on the person, whether or not the person loves you back, or doesn’t want to be with you, love doesn’t come from the other person it comes from within your self and your feelings toward someone.

Humbert Humbert was so worried about the changes that Lolita was going to go through during her stay at the camp, on his way to pick her up and apparently he was right to fear it. When he first saw Lolita on page 111 he mentioned ” She was thinner and taller and for a second it seemed to me her face was less pretty than the mental imprint i had cherished for more than a month..” This shows that in HH eyes Lolita has aged a little for his taste, from just that second HH then reflects  in saying that on Lolita being an Orphan he can give her a normal life and by doing this he will be repayed by Lolita becoming friends with   “a pretty little Magdlein for Herr Doktor Humbert alone.”(111) The fact that Humbert bounces back and forth with this shows that Lolita is an obsession, unlike Annabel and obsession he intends to carry out and pleasure himself with, he made this clear when in the following sentence he says “..the angelic line of conduct was erased and i overtook my prey and she was my Lolita again…” Its clear just by the way he expresses himself that there is no Love in any of his intentions when it comes to Lolita.

The biggest example in my opinion i can give is in page 122, if HH really loved Lolita he would wait until she is ready and willingly give herself to him, yet he couldn’t wait any longer, it was clear when at page 123 he address the Jury saying that this was the grand moment. HH decides to trick Lolita and drug her in order to sleep with her. He tells Lolita that the pill is vitamin X which is suppose to make strong and healthy, but in fact it was a cheap roofy pill that knocks out the person unconscious. The way he expresses his reasons for why its correct and why Lolita is not a ‘normal child’ are in detail explained in pages 124-125. Humbert obsession is very clear and his actions don’t have Lolita’s interest but his own.

Finally is the way he calls her, a man in love wouldn’t refer to his lover as ‘prey’, ‘nymphean evil’ or even compare his first love Annabel to Lolita in saying that Lolita isn’t Innocent compare to his “innocent Annabel”(page124) HH is in another phase, he feels anything but Love for Lolita, he is possessive, calculative, inpatient and dangerous if things don’t go his way or worse if he feels Lolita is no longer his. His obsession with Lolita will be his undoing.

Lolita pages 34-97

So excited, we finally got to meet the famous Lolita 🙂 Well, once again the words in this book forever overwhelm me, but i have to give it its credit my vocabulary has been doing so much better since i started reading Lolita(Side-note)

It helps me understand more of HH character just by the way he expresses himself about women, the way he describes them. “A colored maid let me in”(page36), “The poor lady was in her middle thirties”(page37) and many more, but it just goes to show his mental state, what about being thirty would have him express himself toward her as the poor lady…thirty for some women is the best years of their lives “thirty and flirty”. HH feels that any girl that is not in their nymphet age just evolves to a hideous human being, its almost sickening the way he admires the women body at such a preadolescence and even immature state. It shows that he feeds of it and it gives him power and doesn’t feel threaten if he was ever to act on his impulses at his age.

I was really baffled by the way that things happened while i was reading, it was a lot of turn of event for HH in the way that everything seemed to be in his favor. The house burning down of the McCoos, Ms.Phalen breaking her hip in which she was suppose to occupy the room he was residing in, and finally the murder of Mrs.Haze after she realized what kind of person HH really is, when she was finally up to doing something about all of this and not let HH get his hopes up in having anything to do with Lolita, she is murdered. I mean what are the chances in one lifetime that some one especially HH to have such luck!?

The only upside is time, i like how HH is feeling tormented with time. That there is so much he can control but time isn’t one of them. I feel like he thinks he can also freeze Lolita in the time frame that she is, in the age that she is in. But i feel that this would lead to more dramatic actions from his part because he wont have all the time in the world with Lolita and its almost frighting to think what he would do.

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas by Ursula Le Guin

After reading this story my initial reaction was complete shock, it took me a few minutes to process what I just finished reading. After I absorb what i read, i actually understand and like why the story is called “The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas” it took out the most important thing that people in Omelas do not have, and that is morals.

At first i thought this story was actually going to be a pleasant read, about a festival and what the inhabitants of Omela did when this festival was celebrated at the beginning of the summer. I was shocked to see the twist it had, i thought that the reader was trying to paint us a picture on how a society was suppose so be, a sort of Utopia, a political and social perfection.

Then, i realized that by the fourth page the narrator was actually describing the city when it ask if i believed the festival and the city. Omela pretty much has everything, a perfect city to meet everyone’s need, it wasn’t much of a Puritanical city but it gave room for scandal, sex, drugs and expressions in exchange for no violence. I found this very interesting…how can a city with no law reinforcement no soldiers live in harmony? how can a city with drugs, orgy’s, priest involved sexually, not have people revolting or have any types of crimes or violence? How can this city  rejoice in magnanimous triumph of forgiving any insult or injury just that easy?

Then i realized as all good things are to good to be true that there is always a catch. Reading the section of the child in the basement actually brought me to tears as i continued to read, just imagining my nephews in that situation. In the second to last page it says, “To exchange all the goodness and grace of every life in Omelas for that single, small improvement: to throw away the happiness of thousands for the chance of the happiness of one: that would be to let guilt within the walls indeed”.

It baffles me to think that people will actually live there “happy” lives at the expense of this poor child being however he may be. Fully aware of the existence of the child, seeing the child in the conditions that he is and continue to live a life profound in paradox is overwhelming to even consider that possibility.I was disgusted that the narrator refers to the child by “it”, it reminded me of a story i read in middle school called “A Child Called ‘it'”…is as if the narrator found it a reasonable exchange, the overall prosperity of the town, in exchange for the child’s misery.

I understand why this story is called “the ones who walk away from Omela” its explained in the last paragraph very subtle. In this “joyous”, “perfect” town, their are still people who have morals, a heart and compassion for others, the ones who walked away from Omela after seeing the poor child in those conditions woke up to the cruel reality that they formed apart of and refused to conform to the terms required to live in this city.That was the only part that i loved about this story, to see that not everyone are the same, the inhabitants of Omela that conform are the true feeble-minded Imbeciles, not the child.