Interesting way to end her memoir, I think. But this definitely helped me clarify some things i wasnt to sure about. Her encounter with her psychologist at Brandeis brought me back to the time when Lauren had a “seizure” in the supermarket. “this paper […] is not real”(175) we are allowed to see her so called “illness” through the P.O.V of somebody else, just like the cop. Just like the instance in the supermarket with the mother and the cop, Laueren refuses to accept the fact that there never really was any surgecial procedure performed on her. However, she needs to believe there was a surgery performed on her, for her own sake. Which Dr. Neu helps her understand that exageration and trickery is in her personality profile, therefore although she cant help but lie, she is in some sense being true to her self. ” Ive been diagnosed with ptyalism many times”(176). Which is amussing becuase she probably has never heard that medical term ever in her life, but she knew she had to prove the psychiatrist wrong.
I finally realize why she uses metaphor, to “act as if.” Therfore eventually what you “act as if” will become a truth. Which in turn allows me to understand why she so desperately wants her book to be known as a work of Nonfiction. Furthermore I now also agree with Lauren in that the historical truth, isnt always fact because things change and what might’ve been fact at one point in time might not be in another. But the narritive truth is all so sweet becuase it is “bendable and poltically powerful”(afterword). Which is why she lies because she can bend it and play around with it inorder to fill a void, which even after reading the book cover to cover im still not sure what that void is.
Although I felt the memoir had no actual ending or a sense a of closure, I believe that’s what Lauren actually was aiming for. “When all is said and done, there is only one kind of illness memoir I can see to write, and that’s a slippery, playful, impish, exasperating text, shaped, if it could be, like a question mark”(221). An amazing ending! Which I believe is perfect because truly im left with a bunch of questions that have yet to be answered and I knkw won’t be answered. So therefore everything is left to interpretation. The tale ends and yet I wish it hadn’t. Like humbert she created a mental prison, but through her use of words she successfully escaped. Even though humbert never said it and now it might totally be irrelevant but through their writing they both gained a sense of peace and serenity. ” I have told it all and it is a relief. A relief to put it to rest”(220).