Lying A Metaphorical Memoir

Interesting way to end her memoir, I think. But this definitely helped me clarify some things i wasnt to sure about. Her encounter with her psychologist at Brandeis brought me back to the time when Lauren had a “seizure” in the supermarket. “this paper […] is not real”(175) we are allowed to see her so called “illness” through the P.O.V of somebody else, just like the cop. Just like the instance in the supermarket with the mother and the cop, Laueren refuses to accept the fact that there never really was any surgecial procedure performed on her.¬†However, she¬†needs to believe there was¬†a¬†surgery performed on her, for her own sake. Which Dr. Neu helps her understand that exageration and trickery is in her personality profile, therefore although she cant help but lie, she is in some sense being true to her self.¬†” Ive been diagnosed with ptyalism many times”(176). Which is amussing becuase she probably¬†has¬†never heard that¬†medical term¬†ever in her life, but she¬†knew she had to prove the psychiatrist wrong.

I finally realize why she uses metaphor, to “act as if.” Therfore eventually what you “act as if” will become a truth. Which in turn allows me to understand why she so desperately wants her book to be known as a work of Nonfiction. Furthermore I now also agree with Lauren in that the historical truth, isnt always fact because things change and what might’ve been fact at one point in time might not be in another. But¬†the narritive truth is all so sweet becuase it is “bendable and poltically powerful”(afterword). Which is why she lies because she can bend it and play around with it inorder to fill a void, which even after reading the book cover to cover im still not sure what that void is.

Although I felt the memoir had no actual ending or a sense a of closure, I believe that’s what Lauren actually was aiming for. “When all is said and done, there is only one kind of illness memoir I can see to write, and that’s a slippery, playful, impish, exasperating text, shaped, if it could be, like a question mark”(221). An amazing ending! Which I believe is perfect because truly im left with a bunch of questions that have yet to be ¬†answered and I knkw won’t be answered. So therefore everything is left to interpretation. The tale ends and yet I wish it hadn’t. Like humbert she created a mental prison, but through her use of words she successfully escaped. Even though humbert never said it and now it might totally be irrelevant but through their writing they both gained a sense of peace and serenity. ” I have told it all and it is a relief. A relief to put it to rest”(220).

The end.

Lying

“I exaggerate” (3)

These two words so simple, yet torturing to the mind. The first chapter, perhaps foreshadows what is to come. This also allows us to see exactly how unreliable the narration might be due to her “illness”. Which even before the book starts is said, “by the end of the book, the reader is, indeed, left to wonder whether, or to what degree, Ms. Slater has suffered epilepsy”. Are we yet again left as judges? Its amazing because i feel if she is as intricate with her use of words, as humbert was, will this story take us through another roller coaster ride?!

Anita, the mother who seems to be unhappy with her life. Yet both her husband and her daughter, seem to hopelessly seek for happiness through their own actions. “I think i loved her, or, like me, her unhappiness was his. He partnered up with Irving Busney in the bakery business”(11). To give her a vacation, to be able to afford the piano, to not have his manhood torn from him. Which in many instances we see.

Comfortable read, intriguing, and enjoyable. I definitely wonder though if its because of the mother she is suffering her “illness” or because of the unstable household she is living in, due to both of her parents.

Fin.

A difficult book to read, but an amazing book non the less. We finally finished it, and I have to say the ending of the book is not what I expected. Also I must say I wasn’t really surprised that he didn’t kill Lolita.

What confused me about all of Part 2 is that there was always mixed signals from H.H. For example, “For the first time in my life I had as little desire for her as for a manatee”(167). It seemed as though his “real” love for her was fading and slowly but surely the lust that was blurring his vision of the nymphet child was becoming clear “Charlotte, I began to understand you”(149). At this point in time I wasn’t sure in what direction the story was headed to.

What I found interesting also was this Quilty guy which lolita ends up confessing is the guy who as H.H puts “abducted” her from the hospital. From the beginning of the book we learn that H.H resembles a famous “cooner or chap whom Lo has a crush”(43). I know I’m not the only one who thinks this, but how in the heck is this the same guy following them across the country?! Out of the million of weird guys out there that could’ve been following them, it had to be the famous Clare Quilty.

The reason i wasn’t surprised he didnt kill Lolita was because, “I could not kill¬†her,¬†of course as some have thought. You see, I loved her. It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight”(270). He steps out and acknowledges how little we (the readers) actually know about his love towards Lolita if we thought he would have killed her. Seeing as how in class we’re always discussing how “Lolita” is important to the text in that the book begins and ends with “Lolita” helped me understand that H.H would never intentionally hurt Lo, not matter what the circumstances may be.

After I finished the book I have to say I’m left with a lot of mixed emotions. My favorite quote ¬†of the book is:

So as to have him make you live in the minds of later generations. I am thinking of aurochs and angels, the secret of durable pigments, prophetic sonnets, the refuge of art. And this is the only immortality you and I may share, My Lolita”¬†

His love is forever immortalized in this novel.

Lolita 97-142

This definitely hit the climax of the story. Starting of with the death of Mrs. Haze, which I still think is all happening to coincidently for my taste. He is a manipulator and a great story teller so its hard for me to believe whats true and what might be made up.

Its crazy to think that this man wasn’t really looking to take away the innocence of Lolita but to merely fondle her while she slept, and what amazes me even more is that even though the pill didn’t work out, “I had been deceived […] the security I had relied upon was a sham”(129). He still manages to get what he wants! and even more of a shock not only to me but even to H.H, Lolita is the one that comes on to him?! Wtf just happened here! I couldn’t even believe she asked him, “you never did it when you were a kid?”(133). No Lolita, your not supposed to be doing these things at such a young age, especially not in camp!

What I found really interesting though is that H.H finally realized his dream of being with his nymphet, but he actually felt horrible about it. “Whether or not the realization of a lifelong dream had surpassed all expectations, it had, in a sense, overshot its mark–and plunged into a nightmare”(140). This is definitely the turning point, he views her differently. In my opinion this separates Lolita from Annabel tremendously. Its hard for me to explain but the whole reason he was after Lolita was for the thrill of “TRYING” not to actually have sexual intercourse with her, and now that it happened its all gone. That was everything for him with Annabel and he was never able to “do it”. What is he supposed to do now? Ironically the prey caught the hunter, and he fears for himself now.

But can someone please tell me what this is suppose to mean,¬†“At the hotel we had separate rooms, but in the middle of the night she came in sobbing into mine, and¬†we made it up very gently”(142). I really hope its not what I think it means because if so that is sick!

 

Lolita (34-97)

By some bizarre twist of fate H.H meets his dream nymphet, Lolita!

The first thing that caught my interest from the begging of the story although it was never mentioned, was the possibility of Lolita actually liking H.H back. Which if you think about it is a double standard. H.H is a pedophile because he finds a certain age group attractive, but its perfectly fine for a girl in her teen years to have a feelings for an older man without being judged? Which brings back my question from my last post, is age really just a number?

I swear though H.H has some LUCK! Coincidently Lo has a crush on an actor, and H.H just so happens to resemble him. Go figure. He explains “Moreover, I am said to resemble some crooner or actor chap on whom Lo has a crush” (43). Which made me think, what if Lo actually never found him attractive would things have gone differently? Clearly she feels this sort of lust towards H.H because of the actor he seems to resemble.

Then theres all these creative ways H.H tries to get to Lolita in a discrete manner, but in this instance I feel everything changed. “I knew i could kiss her throat or the wick of her mouth..i knew she would let me to do so, and even close her eyes as hollywood teaches” (48) Putting aside his so called “experience” with nymphets, he’s actually able to realize that he doesn’t have to work as hard to get to Lolita because she also wants H.H to make his move already! But as always Mrs. Haze is always interrupting.

And what do you know Mrs. Haze also has a crush on H.H!? Can you believe this S&#*! Mother and daughter fighting over the same guy, unbelievable! Not really but i was still baffled.

One things for sure, before you can truly understand his actions (H.H) pedophile seems like a really strong word. I would say more misunderstood than anything. For instance, “Pathetic-because despite the insatiable fire of my venereal appetite, I intend with the most fervent force and foresight to protect the purity of that twelve year old child”(63). He merely wants to pleasure himself, yes i know its disgusting! BUT he truly does care about Lolita and her innocence. That statement also allows us to see the inner conflict he seems to struggle with all the time.

Im not sure how I feel anymore, mostly confused, with everything that has happened so far. But i definitely am i enjoying the book for sure! My vocab is also expanding which is a big plus.

Lolita 1-34

First of all this book definitely challenged my vocabulary! I can honestly say that there was not one page I didnt have to use a dictionary to look up a word.

Aside from that the text is really confusing mainly because of the fact that narrator jumps from one memory of a certain character to another in the first few pages. He did how ever introduce his father. His mother which he describes as photogenic, but died in a freak accident when he was only 3, he did also introduce other characters. But what confused me was when he mentioned the jury! I read it over and over again, and for some reason my understanding of when he says, “ladies and gentleman of the jury,…..”(1) is that he’s not literally talking with a jury, but to his reader? Please correct me if im wrong.

Annabel I believe is one of the most important characters, its because of her that i believe he is the way he is. He fell deeply and madly in love with her during his teenage years and unfortunately she passed away before he could make love to her. Its because of her tragedy that he sees what he sees in Lolita although the way he describes both of them is very interesting:

“There are two kinds of visual memory: one when you skillfully recreate an image in the laboratory of your mind, with your eyes open[…] and the other when you instantly evoke, with shut eyes, on the dark inner side of your eyelids, the objective, absolutely optical replica of a beloved face, a little ghost in natural colors (and this is how i see lolita)(3).

I found this interesting because he vividly paints lolita, but its because of annabel he feels this way he says “until at last, twenty four years later, ¬†broke her spell by incarnating her in another”(4). So for him to describe annabel in “general terms” seemed kind of weird to me, because to me annabel and lolita seem as though they’re the same just two different people at different times of his life (the narrator/Humbert)

The whole time I read this one thing came to mind and this was, is age really just a number? It really caught my attention because of what the narrator said, ” I found myself maturing amid a civilization which allows a man ¬†of twenty-five to court a girl of sixteen but not a girl of twelve” I don’t know about anyone else but in nyc you often see that; it doesnt necessarily mean its always the male who is the older one in the relationship. There are times when you see a older woman with a young man.

Interesting read, but confusing. One things for sure i will definitely expand my vocabulary!!

The Story of an Hour

From the four readings, this particular short story stood out to me the most. Unfortunately in life sometimes we meet the right people at the wrong time, this can cause a tragic love story such as Mrs. Mallard. Given the news that her husband had passed away she wept, but realizing the bigger picture, freedom, she actually seemed pleased with the news she had just received. The title itself is symbolic, because it basically sums up what the story is about. Her joy figuratively lasted an hour, but it literally killed her seeing her husband knocking at her front door. Closing any door of her hope of freedom.

[Insert Creative Intro Title]

IMG_20130828_143911Hi everyone, my name is Bryan Gagnay. I’m a junior and my major is Electromechanical Engineering. Im currently a pastry chef at an italian restaurant, Tonalli. Although I know my current job doesn’t really go hand in hand with what I’m studying for in school, I love it! To be honest I’m not really sure what I want to do with my life in the future, but then again some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. My summer break consisted of partying, working and mostly playing soccer, which i’m really passionate about.

I never really liked reading, but i found that if you’re reading a book that actually interests you then it’s not so bad. I don’t really have a specific genre of literature that I like to read. I kind of just read, if that makes any sense. John Green and Paulo Coelho are my favorite authors. Looking For Alaska and The Alchemist are my favorite books written by them. What I enjoy the most about reading is that, for that brief moment in which your indulged in the book you become those characters and step away from reality. Fictional literature allows the writer to use his/her imagination without any limitations and take the reader on an adventure.¬†My weakness as a writer would be organizing my thoughts clearly on paper.

During this semester I hope to become a better writer, learn what fictional literature truly means and successfully complete the course.

Tiramisu anyone? :D

Tiramisu anyone? ūüėÄ