“The beastly and beautiful merged at one point, and it is that borderline I would like to fix, and I feel I fail to do do utterly. Why?”
Is humbert humbert feeling a bit of guilt, to the point where he is calling himself a beast(ly)”. (I guess he is human). It seems while being incarcerated, Humbert had the time to think over what he had done. He’s questioning him self it seems; the quote itself seems sad and is seeking forgiveness.
It also seems that he was looking for ways in which he could try to avoid Lolita. While trying to obtain ways to avoid that fate with Lo, it just seemed inevitable, he was destined. I believe the quote is also stating a “what if moment”. Questions in which he kept asking himself, in which he could have avoided going to prison.
while he was making assumptions and asking himself these questions it seems he had a hard time doing so. He might was having a hard time because, he knew he wanted Lolita’s flesh, which he yerned for. He was weak it seemed and couldn’t find it any reasonable justifications to say “what if he hadn’t done it”. In a sense he wanted it, but things didn’t go as planned. He needed/wanted what he wanted/needed and as gotten it, so to speak. So now he has to circum to his own fault of injustice.