12 thoughts on “Feedback for Emily”

  1. i think your essay was great your  topic  was  clear,  i like how you mention Triptych: Texas Pool Party it  relate to your topic  of Police brutality. your sentence were very easy to read and it flow very well.i think more detail in the Counterclaim side  and explain what causes officer to feel threaten.

  2. Emily, firstly I loved your topic. I think this topic is a very significant topic especially in our era. The thing I loved most about your essay is that your counterclaim was amazing. The reason I’m saying this is you presented the point of view of police officers and you gave readers an idea of what a police officer might think about when their in intense situations. You did that without it conflicting your thesis. I think your essay was well written. Also I loved that you connected this issue to a packet that we read in class. Great Work.

  3. Your essay was very well written and you made some really good points on both sides. Especially the point that the police officers, when threatened, should respond accordingly. But your introduction goes straight from the hook to the thesis statement so maybe you can include some background information on the topic to fill in that space. I really enjoyed your sources though like the essay we read in class, or the Pinterest image that you went really in depth with. Overall great essay!

  4. This was a really good topic to touch upon and i liked how you approached it with lots of valid information and sources from the new york times from past to present.The counterclaims you provided was also well done.Its true police shouldn’t take it upon themselves to beat the daylights out of someone just because of their race and how one acts,they should follow the guidelines given to them.Overall I really enjoyed your easy and didnt really seen anything wrong.

  5. I agree with your opinion that police are meant to protect us but there has been a lot cases that relates to police brutality. People might think that police are just doing their jobs but most of the brutality cases we can see that people with colored skin, different religion and culture are getting targeted. Your conclusion was really good.

  6. Emily, really nice essay. I like how you just got straight point. Is there a reason as to why you didn’t include a title? Anyways, I felt like your intro paragraph is too short, you don’t have to add much but, just a little more. Overall you did a good job on supporting your thesis argument on police brutality which is a touchy subject. Check for grammatical errors and lastly cite your sources properly. Good job!

  7. I liked the fact that you are constant with your writing, I was able to follow the thread that connected every word that you said. This essay is easy to read and I feel like it hits all the points that you wanted to hit, honestly is great and if there was anything that you can improve in it I would say that you should add more anecdotes or examples of police brutality and how the officers defend themselves claiming that it isn’t police brutality.

  8. I really liked your essay and the topic that you picked. It was well detailed and you made valid points on both sides of the arguments. Your essay was interesting and Eda to read because of its structure and it’s consistency.   Good job

  9. Emily, your essay topic has become really interesting for me. I must agree that police officers have been out of control and act like they have no sense of discipline. I enjoyed when you mentioned how a police officer punched a boy, you also mentioned how there were about 6 cops on that boys back, which if you ask me is excessive. Im just looking forward to the day the police gets their act together.

  10. Emily, I loved your essay, how well-structured and straight to the point it was. However, I do believe you should’ve added more examples for each point for both sides. Overall, great job!

  11. Emily, I like your essay topic and also like that you mention the taxes pool party. But I think in your essay you didn’t really bring the other of the argument. So try to include that. Other then that good jobs.

  12. Emily your topic was great. Your essay topic was amazing. You incorporated grate information and made the essay really informative.  The connection to one of the articles we’ve read in class.

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