13 thoughts on “Feedback for Ashley (E2)”

  1. I enjoyed your essay my favorite part is “You should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man” this statement is sadly true.  racism is inevitable, the time has changed but some people’s mindset remains the same. A suggestion would be more example such as a story.  I think you should mention the supreme court case involving the baker who refused to make a cake for a gay couple it would fit in this essay.


  2. For starters the topic Human Inequality is very strong and the way you opened your statement led with that. The information about male inequality suggest that female inequality is more important in the essay so i suggest to make your claim more towards female inequality and use male inequality as a rebuttal to strengthen your point about female inequality. other than that Strong essay for a Strong subject. good job.

  3. Ashley, your topic on Human Inequality in my opinion is a very challenging topic to speak about, I loved how you did not stray from your points and explained each one clearly. I loved your essay. Good job!

  4. Hooking the audience right away, nice introduction. And your thesis statement included all your arguments which I think a lot of people have done yet. You made a lot of good points as well especially in your sexual orientation paragraph. I’m not sure what I can tell you to fix your essay, it’s kind of hard to make a counterclaim about what you wrote.

  5. Your essay was enjoyable, you included didn’t include just one example of human inequality you included many. I like how true you facts were when you said women are expected to be less, and no matter how hard they try in this society a male will always be more. This issue of inequality still remains unnoticed.

  6. I really enjoy your essay.  Your thesis statement was clear and in your arguments support your thesis.  After looking overall in your essay I will say good job.

  7. Ashley I really liked your essay.  It was very detailed and you used many examples to prove your point.  Your essay was very well written, there isn’t anything I would change about it.  I grabbed my attention from the beginning and that’s really good. This is a topic that most people aren’t aware of or just simply decide to ignore.  Good job !

  8. U wrote a really well developed Essay.You used proper punctuation and use of grammar and u also wrote about a topic which people dont talk about that much.

  9. Ashley, I really enjoyed reading your essay because not only you captivated me from the very start, but you also got me thinking very deeply. From the rhetorical questions you asked in the beginning to the supporting details you used to back up your thesis statement, it was all amazing. You made really great points regarding human inequality. I liked when you talked about gender inequality, how racism still exist in our society today and people not being aware of it( I do think though, people are much aware of it and just choose not to point it out). Anyways, despite your essay being great, I have a few suggestions. I think it’d be great if you didn’t include the sources your going to use to back up your claim in your introduction, rearrange your paragraphs/structure them a little differently and lastly check out for grammatical errors and etc. Great job!

  10. Ashly, the topic of your essay was very touching and it was very great and touching to hear what you thought about this topic of Human Inequality. This was a very creative issue to actually write about and your points were very great and touching. I loved how in the beginning you grabbed readers attention by getting them involved in you writing by the questions asked in the introduction. As a readers its very important for us to actually be interested and engaged in because we would have a better understanding of what your message is. I loved that you had supporting details included in your essay and your subject and message was really strong. You had very few grammatical errors but besides that this was close to being a masterpiece.

  11. Your essay was very well thought out and had an amazing amount of detail and really had me hooked, the topic you chose was very complex yet you still managed to stay on track

  12. I loved how you started the introduction off with a question, i think that really fits this topic.I believe you should include any personal experiences you have had with any unequal treatment you felt you have ever received.Im not sure in the 3rd paragraph if you quoted an entire paragraph but if you did i think you should try to summarize a bit and add in your own information or thoughts on what Adichie stated.

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