16 thoughts on “Feedback for Jerry”

  1. Your essay showed us how you were able to learn some new things about being independent and working as a team. And the different strategies that you can use to help yourself out in a certain  situation. You had some words misspelled but your essay was good.

  2. I like how your essay builds up to suspense after each sentence. You started off your essay with a catch and it definitely brought my attention. Your events were so in order, however, I do believe you were a little repetitive with the same pronouns.

  3. love how well structured your story about your neighbor was, i like how you make the reader engaged and intrigue to know what will happen next.

  4. I think the your story was great, it was really easy to follow the theme of the story. The only thing I would fix about your essay is the grammer but other than that I thought your story was great.

  5. I believe that it’s incredible how you introduce Mr. Atkins, every time he is to be mentioned in a sentence you build up a lot of tension before mentioning him. That tension is something that really catches my interest and I could not stop reading because of that.

  6. I believe this is both educational and relatable. We usually think people who are mean are just like that, but there’s always a reason, and we were all like that at some point and encountered someone like that. Fix grammar, otherwise great story to choose.

  7. Great storytelling, and an even better lesson. Pretty good grammatically too, not sure what you can improve on but keep on being a good person?… haha, thank you for sharing.

  8. I couldn’t find many issues with your essay, it was really good. Maybe you can touch more on the lesson you learned but i really enjoyed it. It gave me an insight on the type of person you are. You seem like a great person, keep being you.

  9. This was really pleasing to the eye to read.Starting each sentence when you introduced a scene with Mr.Atkins in it was really nice.This was more of a story that an essay but you still got your point across and I liked that.I definitely can relate to your experience, there’s many reasons why a person acts a certain way out of the ordinary and it may be because they are having a rough time in their life, so the best thing to do is be civil towards them.I would want to see you include more about Mr.Atkins back story if you knew much about him.

  10. Man this essay was great! It felt like watching a kids movie or reading kids book. This also showed that judging by it’s cover is not right. You did the right things by going up to him kindly and finding out what has him the way he is. The only thing i would say is to use stronger vocabulary.

  11. I really enjoyed reading this story. I understood the point you were coming from. A lot of the times, we tend to judge people just from the way they look. Like, me always having a straight face, have caused people to think I was mean, sad and angry. Others were even intimated by me but, all it takes is to get to know the person and I am glad you did that. Because, of that your perspective changed and you understood better. Great essay! check out for grammatical errors.

  12. I really enjoyed reading this story and the way you learned your lesson about judging. I would suggest you maybe substitute a couple of the words and reword a sentence or two.

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