Ali Ahmed

03-06-2016

ENG 1121 – D465

7 Point Peer Review (Textual Analysis)

1. Ervin have a good opener which is a quote from a famous person. The quote is “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet came. We have only today. Let us begin” by Mother Teresa.  
2. Ervin have a good thesis with three subtopics. His thesis is, “This song cover variety of topics  but the most accentuated ones are the ability to seize the given opportunity, working through the life struggle, and sacrifices of the stardom life.
3. Ervin have three subtopics body paragraphs in his essay. For example, in his third paragraphs he wrote about working through the life struggle and that was his second subtopic in his thesis.
4. Ervin have topic sentences in his second body paragraph and third body paragraph but he didn’t mention first subtopic in his first body paragraphs. For example, in his first body paragraphs his topic sentence was “The main character of this song Rabbit, the person struggling to make the living out of his craft.” However, his topic sentence should be about “the ability to seize the given opportunity.”
5. Ervin first subtopic paragraph have one quotes however, he was missing two quotes. His second subtopic paragraph he have two quotes however, he was missing one quote. Also, his third paragraph he two quotes however, he was missing one quote.
6. Ervin have few Transitional words but he should add more Transitional words so his essay will be strong. For example he have a good Transitional sentence in his second paragraph which is, “In addition, Eminem wrote this song not only from, the movie character, Rabbit perspective but from his own as well.
7. Ervin a good conclusion, he restates his thesis but he didn’t leads out larger idea. He could add few sentences about his ideal world connected to this essay.