This week, we continue *scaffolding* Unit 1.
Now it is time to transform your topic proposal into an outline. Compose your outline using this template: Education Narrative Outline
Please refer to this sample outline as a model: Sample OutlineÂ
You can copy and paste your outline below in a Comment, or write the outline in a Google Doc and paste the link in your Comment. Either is fine.
In class Tuesday 9/21 we will work on these outlines and if we have time, begin our rough drafts.
Name: Johanna Suárez
Intro
Topic: Life lesson in NY
Setting info: 2018-2021, UNITED STATES, New York , dental office , language schools.
Thesis: My experience and lessons learned as an international student in NY
BP (body paragraph) 1
How my friends, family and boyfriend helped me getting through difficult times.
Ex: Memories with my friend Yiva, who is also an international student.
Walking with my mom up and down looking for people can help us to get information about dental programs. My boyfriend encouraging me to find a place to help me learn more about dentistry.
BP 2
Situations that changed my plans in NY.
EX. Explaining what happened when Kaplan, a test preparation center, told me that they could not offer an I-20 (important document for international students.).
My language school closed during pandemic and let us all with the fear of losing our status.
Not having the money necessary to start dental school and my will to continue doing something related to dentistry.
BP 3
Shadowing a dentist in NY.
Ex: Volunteering in a dental office has taught me and gave me experience in my career, but also helped me find friends and mentors. The fear of Shadowing during pandemic. Anecdotes with patients in the beginning.
Conclusion Explain how all these circumstances that I have experienced in NY influenced me to change as a person. The silver lining around rough times. My expectations and plans for the future.
Johanna,
This looks very solid. My main tip for revision is that you want a main idea in each paragraph, rather than just a topic. If you look at the sample outline, you can see an idea or sentence in each paragraph before the examples that illustrate it. In other words, what are you trying to convey to the reader?
Intro
Topic: What I learned and understand now about a best friend.
Setting info: Old friends, My family and I, My definition of a best friend, 2020-2021, During quarantine at home.
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else): What I learned is a best friend to me means someone who will be there through the good and bad times. When it comes to struggles they will provide advice for me. Give me motivation, that extra push because they care about me and want me to succeed. But most importantly they won’t judge. My best friends are my family.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: What I thought a best friend was while growing up. The high school days.
Ex: Explaining the meaning of what a best friend was during the beginning of high school. When in reality they were just school friends. Introducing/talking about the friends I used to call my “best friends”. What occurred? What made me realize that they weren’t actually my “best friends”.
BP 2
Idea: What it was like for me to slowly discover who were actually my best friends. The moment my relationship with my family started strengthening.
Ex: The way quarantine made my relationship stronger with my family. The talks they would give to me, making me think about everything in a different perspective. Leading me to calling them (my family) my best friends.
Text connection: José Olivarez’s “Mexican American Disambiguation”, “my parents were
undocumented when they came to this country
& by undocumented, i mean sin papeles, &
by sin papeles, i mean royally fucked which
should not be confused with the American Dream
though the two are cousins. colleges are not
looking for undocumented diversity.”
BP 3
Idea: The moments that I was able to spend with my family made me realize, they were my best friends all this time. How my relationship with them is now. What I believe a best friend actually is now.
Ex: Before the pandemic we were all busy with school or work, we would only see each other after school. When quarantine happened we spent lots of time together. Could talk about anything. Any doubts I would have, concerns, problems, etc. More closure than before. A best friend: someone who’s there through it all.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you)
Now, I’m in college pursuing a higher education. Becoming more independent. Still like to spend and create lots of more memories with my family. Thanks to quarantine I was able to reflect and realize that I have to be careful on who I choose to be friends with due to my earlier experience. Some people could act a way when they’re with you but when you’re not there they tempt to be different behind your back.
Hi Maria,
Good start here!
1. For the setting info you’ll want to fill in more about space and place– in other words, where did these events happen? Neighborhood, borough, school, home, etc
2. I wonder if there is overlap with BPs 2 and 3? Do you think you have enough material to cover here in two separate BPs, without repeating? What would you think about discussing the nature of the pandemic and how it caused you to re-evaluate relationships?
3. Are you ultimately saying that only family can serve as best friends?
4. Text connections?
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: Saul Arizaga
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: What I learned after having been bullied
Setting info: 2014-2017, Soccer field located in Brooklyn (prospect park), Bright sunny day, fresh green grass, smell of Mexican food, Ditmas Junior High school, dimmed lighting in the hallway.
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else): What I learned throughout those 3 years was to not let people’s negative comments/insults get the best of you. Instead, use them to your advantage/as a motivating force to prove them wrong and yourself who you really are.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: I was living my life happily the way I wanted in the sense of not dealing with criticism nor hate at first. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. (An unhealthy diet).
Ex: A vivid memory was always going out to eat and grab the unhealthiest items and eating them all at once. I would grab many desserts, eat them and say to myself “don’t worry you’ll burn this off at practice” or I would say “I need to eat a lot because I am an athlete.” As well as eating meals back-to-back.
BP 2
Idea: Began receiving Negative comments and was being criticized heavily for having been the way I was.
Ex: I remember being told by a spectator in the park, “you’re not making it anywhere in the sports field if you continue to eat tacos”. Being told that most Mexicans are slim and good when it comes to sports. Mexican Americans take advantage of life and don’t try to progress despite having many opportunities.
Quote: “I walked around with my head to the ground. I was just trying to get through each day.” ( Jose Olivarez, “Maybe I Could Save Myself By Writing”, paragraph 1).
BP 3
Idea: By the beginning of 9th grade, I took it upon myself to seek change and show the people who doubted me that they were wrong. I took their comments and used it to push myself everyday to try and become the best version of myself.
Ex: I would begin to attend the gym as well as go out and get as much physical activity done. I would as choose to walk to my destination or bike depending on the distance rather than go in car or MTA. I also considered my nutrition and made many changes to it that not only changed me physically, but also mentally.
Quote: “white folks at parties call them pobrecitos.” (Jose Olivarez, “Mexican American Disambiguation”, line 9).
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you)
Today an Academy Goalkeeper, seen by many as a role model, and continue to not only push myself, but also motivate others who seek change. This experience resulted to be something positive because it taught me to strive and seek the goals I want to accomplish. To never give up because no matter what, there is always going to be someone out there who is going to try and bring you down. Its only a matter of showing others, and yourself who you really are.
Excellent work here, Saul.
1. You’ll want to really zoom in on setting
2. Philosophical question for you: what is the balance between taking in feedback and other people’s opinions and not letting them affect us?
Name: Jonathan Pinzon-Amon
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: What I learn from my 3 months of exercising
Setting info: Early mornings, Bronx, peaceful nights,
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else): What I learn during those 3 months was I can achieve my goals with hardship and perseverance
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: I couldn’t maintain focus on my goal and was on and off during the process.
Ex: Most mornings I would just lay in bed till I feel like have to get out of bed, but starting these new routines were becoming difficult because of these new habits I was trying to develop. Sometimes after a night workout I would be so exhausted in the morning that I would say to myself to do it the next day.
BP 2
Idea: After the first 2 weeks I saw that I need to keep up the pace by doing it every day nonstop.
Ex: Even thought it’s only been 2 weeks I saw myself going nowhere in my progress and felt that I’ll eventually give up. So, I decided to do it everyday till no matter how tired I was feeling or sore the next morning.
BP 3
Idea: At the end of my third month, I saw how great my progress went and how much I’ve learned from this experience
Ex: My weight dropped 30 pounds in these few months that went flying by. It went by so fast I haven’t even notice it’s been that long I felt that I only just started and here I am losing 30 pounds like nothing.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you)
Now I need to come back into those happens and learn from them and improve it to lose even more weight than I can Imagine.
Jonathan,
Good start here. I look forward to setting details. I wonder if you’d want to think about the focus of BP 3, as it seems to overlap with the conclusion content. I also wonder if the pandemic plays a role in all of this–in other words, a lot of folks have struggled with motivation and exercise during a time when there wasn’t as much social interaction and getting outside. Was this playing a role in your story? It would be interesting to know an example of a daily schedule and how you handle time management and different responsibilities. Finally, any thoughts about text connections?
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: Kobe Baltazar
Topic: What I learned from a new opportunity
Intro
Setting info: 2019, Home, Mexico City, hotel
Thesis :
After the two and a half weeks of getting a opportunity to play soccer in a different country you learned that its not all about just showing up to your games and play but you got take responsibility and be very discipline.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: Talk about the idea of being able to be on my own before
Ex: What were my thoughts and feelings and what I thought about the idea before hand
Title: “Maybe I Could Save Myself By Writing”
Author: José Olivarez , Sep 12, 2018
Quote: “Because, maybe, you too want to write your own book, but are worried that you don’t remember well enough.”
BP 2
Idea: Talk about my experience while being away
Ex: How we wouldn’t really stay in one place, and we would all move around in a group, and we would travel to our practice and go out to eat and do things that would distracts us
BP 3
Idea: How the trip helped me evolved as a person
Ex: How I had to do certain things on my own like knowing where I place my things all the way to being on time to things
Title: “Maybe I Could Save Myself By Writing”
Author: José Olivarez , Sep 12, 2018
Quote: When we sit in workshop together, we are all students. We are all trying to learn and grow. I consider their comments on my work, and I invite them to reject my critiques.
Conclusion:
In conclusion I’m playing soccer here and there. But this early experience help influenced me because it helped me open and take new opportunities even if it’s out my comfort zone. Furthermore, It didn’t just show me that, but it also helped me to improve on working more harder and even being more responsible than I ever was.
Kobe,
This has enormous promise. I like how you’re focusing on the experience of independence. As a reader, I want to know a lot more detail, starting with your topic and continuing through each body paragraph. How has your experience in soccer affected other categories in your life, or even your approach to college?
Name Sarmad Ilyas
intro = adapting a new world.
setting into=2015 to 2021 moving from Pakistan to United States.
Thesis = moving across the world without knowing anyone.
BP1
Idea= making new friends
Example= I had few friends in Pakistan so when I left them I was sad and I didn’t know how to make friends that was really difficult.i was alittle lonely for 1 to 2 month of school.
BP2
Idea=Learning English
Example= I had a lot of difficulties learning english because I have never spoked it in Pakistan so learning English was the main thing.I did know how to read but I couldn’t make sentences answer question.
BP3
Idea= Leaving my grandma
Example=Me and my grandma had a really special connection I used to tell her what we learn and how was my day but when I came here I couldn’t see her for 2 years that was really sad and heart broken.
Conclusion
I achieved some of my goals I learned English adapt to new culture, made friend I go and visit my grandma every year in December.
Sarm,
This is promising and poignant. Some things to think about as you move forward with your draft:
1. What is your thesis or central point? In other words, what did you learn from the experience of immigration? Try to put this in a sentence.
2. For each body paragraph, you will want to add an *Idea.* Right now you have facts and topics for each BP, but what is the main point you want to illustrate? (Please see the model outline for an example)
3. You’ll want to add more info about setting– what was the atmosphere like, sights, smells, sounds, details about place
4. Text connections?
Good work! We will be reading a model essay that relates to yours- perhaps you can share your finished essay with your grandmother.
Intro (introduce the topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: The reasons I to Chose My Major?
Setting info:
Thesis: The reason that I chose my major is for personal interest, having more opportunities in our career, and help my community.
BP (body paragraph) 1
I chose a computer science major because I knew it was something that I was good at. I was aware that will urge my interest to learn about the technology.
Ex:
During my high school and college, my grade and my understanding of computer science are pretty good. I give myself thoroughly to it; I am aware that to be good at something, we have to practice as more as we can.
BP 2
Another cause why I chose computer science was because of the multiple opportunities.
Ex: According to DataUsa.io statistics, the total degree awarded in computer science in 2019 grew by 8.11%. This statistic shows us how many opportunities people can gain in the computer science fields.
BP 3
People in computer science majors can create ample projects that can improve our living conditions.
Ex: We can talk about devices that help people to track their daily activities, such as heart rate, and high blood pressure. Also, an application that can determine the growth of a population.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you).
Computer Science will most definitely help me to achieve my goals as it will enable me to create new opportunities. It is my belief that we should all make it a priority to create more possibilities for this and the next generation in order to improve our communities.
Hi Mohamed,
You have a strong start here. Right now this seems to focus on the field rather than your own story. I encourage you to think further about a learning or educational experience you had that lies beneath the desire to pursue this career path. As a reader, I want to know more about what exactly in your life motivated the interest in computer science. What did you experience? How did this lead to computer science? Can you elaborate on your excellent point about wanting to help your community? I would love to know more.
Name: Mariah Dominguez
Intro: entering adult life at such a young age, my ups and down
Setting: 2019- present, past, present, future, Highschool
Thesis: transitioning to adult life at a young age and what I endorsed as a teen mom, telling MY story
BD1
– PAST, depressing moments I went through after having my daughter and going through school experinces
Ex; feeling left out, teachers and students avoiding me and how that affected my grades and mental health not only teachers or students but my family too, how I was avoiding school sometime like staying in the train station. no motive just how innocent I was
BP2-
PRESENT, I want to talk about how my life is doing now
EX:I graduated high school thanks to my advisor, how am in college now, I’m a full time student and part-time worker, paying bills, how I feel now, what’s my motive, my life still isn’t easy now, I have a toddler now, my family still isn’t fully there for me. I still hold resentment towards other but I’m trying
BP3-
FUTURE, I want to talk about what I want to accomplish, MY GOALS
EX: I want to talk about my goals, I want to become a doctor, be financially stable and what I’m doing to now to accomplish that, I want invest, and prove everyone wrong. ( I could use a little help on bp3 because I’m stuck)
CON-
I want to talk about how anything is possible, how no one should ever have to choose an obstacle over their education, we need more supportive people, you never know what others go through. ( still thinking on the conclusion)
– these are just basic ideas but definitely looking for feedback and ideas
Mariah,
Serious and inspiring focus here. You have a sense of topic, organization and structure already. For your next steps I’d suggest thinking about the main ideas you want to convey, both in your BPs and in your thesis. What have you learned? What has this experience illuminated for you? Is your central idea about the need for supportive figures in our lives (or institutions?), or do you think it’s something else? Do gender constructs play a role? Where (in what kinds of settings) does this story unfold?
Text connections?
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: boxu lin
Topic: What made me who I am and the reason I look to improving myself as a person every day.
Setting info: 2019, Home, Brooklyn NY
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else): That I am Carsy and I could do whatever I want and my life is pretty awesome.
Idea: I did not know who I was and where I belonged and what kind of person I wanted to be or become.
Ex: being locked up inside all day and having nothing to do made me confused about who I was, what I wanted to do with life so I slowly lost interest in everything. Spending my days in quarantine locked up dazing off and being dumb I fell into a rabbit hole where I was abusing substances to get by every day just so I could feel something.
text connection Olivarez’s “Maybe I Could save Myself By Writing” (paragraph 1)
Idea: When quarantine ended I wanted to do something with my life. Since I was so accustomed to being lazy and not doing anything. So I proceeded to pick myself up and I met Mr. Deng throughout that experience he guided me on a better path to tranquility.
Ex: Whenever he could he would pick me up and bring me to work with him he on each car rides he would teach me about life lessons and many important lessons that came along with it. he would always make sure I learn something new every day so I could become a jack of all trades.
Idea: At the end of my time with Mr. Deng I realized who I was and what I wanted to become or what I wanted to do with life.
Ex: My personality improved picked up a lot of meaningful philosophy without realizing it, After feeling normal again i found out that I’m into mechanical engineering and wanted to make cool but dumb gadgets that’ll make me happy and proceeded to got my life in order, and created a new life for myself one that I’m contempt with and will make me a better person.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you)
today I am what I believe is pure happiness to the point where I’m just so happy with my life that I want to share that happiness with others.
Carsy,
This is very intriguing, with narrative twists and turns throughout, from the discussion of the risks of isolation to the humorous mention of “cool but dumb gadgets. “ As a reader I’m very curious to know more all around. For next steps I’d encourage being more direct in your thesis. Is your main idea about quarantine, social interaction, Mr. Deng, sense of self? Clarifying this idea further will help clarify BPs. I also wonder if there is any advice for others, to take forward from your experience and what you learned, since the pandemic has wrought a lot of havoc on people’s psychological well-being. Finally, text connection? Strong start here.
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: Valery Romero
Topic: The transition of trying to adapt to a new routine; doing and trying new stuff. A changed that really changed me.
Setting info: 2019-2020, ending of High school, Home, and starting college.
Thesis: Try to be positive throughout the process and you could do things better. And good things will come your way.
BP(body paragraph)1
Idea: I was living my life happily with my friends, their were a lot more smiles and laughters, I had a balanced schedule and was a lot more productive.
Ex: In High school I would learn much more better and process things faster. I would see my friends and had so much fun after school; its like if anywhere I turned I would see people talk more, laugh and see more faces with a smile. I would say everything was pretty good (pretty day out, being with friends, going out more) it would be fun. I would go to my tennis practice and go to our games we had some lost and some wins. No one really expected something big would change everything.
BP 2
Idea: In the process of starting a new chapter in my life, Being stuck at home, trying to be safe, and seeing how the world changed from being ok to pretty sad.
Ex: Being home in my bed with my laptop being in zoom with my teachers, the school year was ending. I had some trouble with knowing what stuff I need to enter college. I was getting lazy to do my work and kept getting distracted being on my phone. My family and I didn’t go out much only if we needed something necessary, we disinfected every single stuff. Watching the news we saw a lot of positive covid cases, a lot of people were dying from all over the world and as well close people that we knew. Sad faces with tears, financial problems, kids wanting to go out and having to wear mask all the time as well having to take social distancing measures.
BP 3
Idea: Coming back little by little, starting first day of college, seeing a new me.
Ex: The cases of covid were going up then going down at times. I noticed a lot of people going out because they had to buy supplies for their kids because they were almost starting their first day of school. By the time I started my first day of college class I dyed my hair, I looked a bit with all the stuff that had happened, I could say my personality changed to a more better person (I wanted to start a new me because I just didn’t felt the same), friends starting to ask how was my first day of class and oof it was so stressing because it was a big change (I thought we were gonna start easy but everything came all at once with a lot of work). But I know I will get the hang of this and I will try my best to do great even though there will be challenges in my way.
Conclusion: I’ll say things happen for a reason maybe. So I just have to try my best to keep on going and be positive that there will be good results in the end little by little.
Hi Valery,
You’re off to a good start here. Right now you have a strong summary of the last year and its challenges. For your draft, I’d suggest focusing on your ideas. What did you learn from this experience? Did it illuminate something specific about in-person school or social interactions? What do you think about online education? Finally, think about your thesis and main ideas- do you think your central point is about being a better person? Can you clarify the ways you changed and what caused the change? Is it all about being positive or were there other aspects of your evolution?
Finally, you’ll want to add a text connection.
Good work.
intro
setting: rockville centre NY
2017
Thesis: the process of learning how to skateboard has taught me far more than just how to do a couple tricks.
BP1:
discuss how i began skateboarding.
i’ve always been interested in the sport and thought it looked cool as a child but never really considered how difficult it actually is. for some reason when i got my first skateboard ever there was no learning curve to the balance and movement aspect. the ability to ride was just there for me
BP2
Early in high school i began to take it a little more seriously and start to learn a few tricks. Nothing to impressive just a few beginner things. I became complacent and stopped progressing and just figured that i couldn’t progress. i didn’t start truly progressing until covid
BP3
During covid i found myself skating a lot more and picking up 1 or 2 new tricks. this is when i broke through my own personal barrier. back in school i’d skate everyday after school and really started to learn new things when i wanted to. It’s all about the trial and error, adjusting to your mistakes and pushing through pain.
conclusion
skating is a major part of my life that has taught me the key to progression is pushing through
Good start here, Liam. I’d encourage going into detail re: the fears or hesitations you experienced as well as the particular tricks you learned and what they might symbolize to you. Text connection?
Intro
Topic: It dosent matter if I’m different.
Setting info: Middle school, High School, College (Present time)
Thesis: Social standards is something most people aim for. If you look into it you’d notice thats the easiest way to fit into society. As soon as one starts to stray further from said “Goal” people will immediately judge you for it. Things such as your skin colour, physical weight, sexual orientation/identification, and even mental health can seem to affect how people view and treat you. I was no exception to this, Is it really bad to be different…?
BP (body paragraph) 1
Things were so simple in middle school, “everything was just about having fun…right?” I thought as this weird feeling started to grow.
Ex: In the middle of break time I was running around at the time with my so-called “Friends”. They wanted to play tag every time, and everytime I was always the one it. I wasn’t really the most athletic but I tried my hardest. Even with that I was never able to catch anyone so they all just laughed at me. But it’s ok, it’s pretty funny…Right? They were my friends though they thought they wouldn’t laugh at me. Sometimes they would point out why I was shorter than them, or “Why my face looked like that”, or why my voice was so squeaky. Even though we were all in middle school. At the time I thought they were right, it’s not their fault…It’s my body afterall. Everyone boy me kept getting girlfriends and dating someone yet I was falling behind because I didn’t understand why I had a crush on a guy as if he was a girl.
BP 2
By High school I was a wreck. I couldn’t understand myself so why bother understanding everyone else. I took out my built up aggression on other people by just either being aggressive or childish. Even though I was surrounded by people I felt so alone.
Ex: I hated school, not just academically, but it was just so emotionally draining. That same attitude carried onto my grades which kept slipping, going lower and lower. My teachers kept saying I was a nice kid. I just had to try harder…But was I really a nice kid tho? Constantly being annoying to other students, not being able to trust anyone. My relationship with my parents also worsened. They were worried, so they put me in therapy. I hated it. To start off the therapist just straight up told me I suffered from depression, anxiety, and ADHD. So all of that was just piling up onto my non-existent self esteem. That was a hard blow, not only did I feel different from everyone on the outside, I was also different on the inside which made me feel “Not normal”. After that first session I didnt wanna go but I didnt really have a choice.
BP 3
As time went on, dealing with myself was…Do-able. Talking and trusting other was starting to feel nice. I like to think I had a pretty good group of friends that made me feel good about myself. I was able to apologize and build bonds with those who I annoyed. At the end od sophomore year I was feeling pretty good about myself.
Ex: After all those desperate times it finally felt like I was getting somewhere. Yeah having like 3 mental illnesses sucked, but hey I was doing swell. My grades were going up, I was making friends and the relationship between and my parents was rather… stable. 11th and 12th grade came around and even during covid I was relatively happy… But during 11th grade is where I really sat down to think about who I am… So much was happening around the time too, covide, people refusing to get vaccinated and wear a mask, people dying due to said illness, and even the presidential elections came around. So much was going on outside but at the same time my head was also a mess due to my sexuality. I like boys AND girls?? I was pretty confused. But I remembered one of the tips my psychiatrist gave me. So I stopped what was I was doing, cleared my head and just…pondered for a moment. Is like right then and there I discovered I overlooked so many things about myself. I remembered how I didnt wanna be different, I just wanted to fit in. But whoever said being different was a bas thing?? I like to think I’m the best version of myself and I just kept getting better.
Conclusion (I’m not really sure what to right here just yet hang in with me please.)
Sebastian,
This is excellent: smart, insightful, and inspiring. You’ve already done a very good job fleshing out ideas and are well on your way with a draft. I’m sure the conclusion will fall into place as you work through the draft. The only question is perhaps text connection. I look forward to reading your draft.
Intro
Topic: deciding for my future
Setting info: my mother’s room,11 pm,2015, Queens. Technical HS
Thesis: how I decided for my future when most doors were closed for me
BP (body paragraph) 1
Never thought about going to college or what to do for my future. Too early.
Ex: why am I going to stress my self about my future if I still haven’t started Highschool. Just enjoy and learn.
BP 2
By junior year I had decided what I wanted and what I was interested
Ex: after spending some time in plumbing class and competing with other schools I had determined that I was good at hand on jobs and was very interested by all the work and knowledge it was put into a simple job. I had determined to specialize in the industry from a young age and join the union.
BP 3
Senior year was stressing for me but was able to manage myself and stop closing my mind.
Ex: what was I supposed to do. After so much hard work and I was denied my dream job. I had been depressed for a couple of weeks until one day I just gathered myself up and told myself, “If you were able to do what you did imagine what you could do in the future, don’t stop now” and decided to continue college with a career I was actually interested.
Conclusion) I am now a first year in construction management since my teacher recommended that with my capabilities shown in high school. Going for a bachelor’s degree and working hard for that dream job. I enjoy what I’m learning, and I hope to accomplish my dreams no matter what adversity.
English 1101
O’Dell Bartholomew
Topic: Never take life for granted
Settings info: 2003 – 2021
Thesis: life shouldn’t be taken for granted because as children of this generation you will never have the opportunity to fast forward and be able to take a look into their future life to navigate their personal success
(BP) 1
starting up like a kid life shaped like a bell of rose automatically take a drastically change for the worst
Ex: Me being the youngest child in a couple’s life we all know what is going to take place clothes, shoes, toys, etc.
Conclusion: I’m currently here at Citytech trying my utmost best to accomplish my goals and open new doors for other generations and generations to come.
(BP) 2
My past- Moving with my mother into a whole different country which started up like a kid’s life shaped like a bell of rose automatically changed from one to another, stressed, disoriented, out of control, young dumb, and the list goes on.
Ex: when I had moved to another country with my mother and away from my father for a new beginning in life, I was introduced to an entirely different culture so at that point in time I didn’t know how to act, speak or even write like them, but as time progresses I started hanging out with the wrong crew because it was unfortunate that as a teenage of USA I could not have fit in with their culture so then I had to take the necessary steps to fit in, which leads me to be this young disoriented, out of control, young dumb, and even being stressed that the fact that I had to leave
(BP) 3
Basically, how I went from being a disoriented, immature teenager to the person I am today.
Ex: coming from me trying to impress my peers to me having plans for my near future also to the fact that I had finally taken the time to hear my elder etc.
Hi O’dell,
Good work here. I encourage you to narrow down the focus of the essay. What is the specific learning experience you are writing about?
Name: Camille Castillo
Intro: Being a first-generation with great opportunities struggled
Settings info: 2020, Peekskill, My house,
Thesis: How applying to college comes with struggles, sacrifices, arguments, pros and cons, and confusion
BP (body paragraph) 1
As applying to colleges without any knowledge of the college application process started my worries about my future
Ex: When I set up my meeting with my high school guidance counselor, she asked me questions like what did I want to study, where did I want to go to school, did I want to study out of state, did I want to go to a community, local college, or a private, out of state university. Leaving that meeting left me with more questions and in a deeper hole to college and a career choice.
BP 2
Sitting down individually with vague answers about where to go what I should do
Ex: My parents kept asking me what I wanted to do for college, I told my dad I wanted to do fashion but didn’t support it. In our “values” doing fashion wasn’t a thing, like doing something in the education field, medical, science, and technology, engineering. So my father told me he wasn’t going to pay for school if I was going to pursue fashion, my mother on the other hand supported me, but the problems, the deadlines. I looked into backup careers and found something that I would enjoy as much, Architecture
BP 3
As I started to settle down to start college, I was still lost. Were my parents proud of me, where they going to help me
Ex: I decided to stay close in order to save money, and not yet to leave, I wanted to stay local and in the city with my grandma, and I already spend so much time up there. As i settle where I stay for college, my financial aid, my orientations,etc. My parents decided last minute wanted me to transfer to another school.
Conclusion
Today I still struggle getting my own time and space to do homework or online class, I am trying to get my own space and work on a schedule, saving up to get my own place to really get treated like an adult. Doing extra meetings, homework is hard but going to be worth getting my degree